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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't no what to do I've no one to talk to

15 replies

Mandapanda9127 · 18/07/2019 19:58

I feel like everything I do for my partner gets pushed a side. I live on my own with barley any money and he lives at home with parents, full time job and nice car, I no he does alot for me and recently tuck me on holiday, the first night he was saying he loved me and then it all sudden turned into an argument. He says I use him for money and I'm the route course of his depression. He even threatened to take his own life infront off me and blame me. I stood up to him and shouted shut up and he pushed me into a chair and I banged the back off my head really badly. He threw all are clothes everywhere and kept threatening to go home and go our separate way, rest of the holiday was lovely but when we came home he wasn't well and I asked " are you ok " and went to put my arm around him to show I care.. He then goes and tells his mum and dad that I had a go at him because he wasn't showing me any affection as he's not been well, next day he goes out with his friend after taking me home saying he's still sick ends up eating pizza and junk all night when he says he's ill and vomiting. I buy him things like trainers and aftershave when I can afford it and he says all I do is buy him a crappy pair trainers and he takes me on holiday. We're normally happy and been talking about getting engaged and looking at rings he's now saying we should leave it after months off getting excited about it. He also thinks the next job I get I'll leave because I wasn't happy and left my previous job due to health so I'm going back to college to do a make up course. I try my hardest though even if I cook for him or buy him the odd gift or write him a little note I try but he throws everything back in my face and makes me out to be a monster and a user and says i don't appreciate him I don't no what to do. I have no friends and no close family I'm really lonely xx

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 18/07/2019 20:14

You're going to continue to be lonely and isolated if you continue investing all your emotional energy and self esteem in this abuser.

You are doing everything to prove you're worthy of him. But he's not worthy of you! He belittles you, blames his mh and issues on you, accuses you of things you didn't do, and doesn't support you in improving your life. Everything 'nice' he every does for you, he will thrown back in your face, just like he's done with the holiday. He's not doing things to be nice, he's doing them to have something to hold over you.

You can't prove yourself and your love to him because he doesn't want that. He's not interested. He's looking for someone to blame. No woman would be good enough for him because he seems broken! You can't fix him with love. There isn't enough love to fill the void he has.

Please go to college, please seek out other people to befriend. College is a great place to meet people! But not if you have this giant millstone of a man hanging round your neck dragging you down.

🌷please be kind to yourself!

UserUndone · 18/07/2019 21:10

You sound like my daughter. I know why she picks these types of people, and so does she. She feels a need to fix them.

Don't even try. Walk away. Build a life that is fulfilling. You don't have to have a BF or partner to be happy. Explore what interests you, what makes you happy. Learn a new skill, language, grow, be your best self, exercise, do whatever, invest in you. Don't take crap from anyone.

funnylittlefloozie · 18/07/2019 21:15

He sounds absolutely horrible. He is violent, he messes with your head, and he makes you feel stupid. What exactly is so good about him?

Honestly, lovely, you deserve better than this. Throw this sad little loser back, and start re-building your life.

Chiochan · 18/07/2019 21:26

You need to stop worrying about him and focus on yourself, doing well at college and getting a job and making friends.
His reaction to you building up your own life will tell you if you should keep or bin him.
If you are sooooooo awful he'll be glad you are moving on, right.

MikeUniformMike · 18/07/2019 21:31

Manda, you deserve better. Walk away from him, do your makeup course. There are threads on here about how to move on and things.
You sound like a lovely person. Do not waste any more time on this spoilt brat. He's not right for you.
You have your whole life ahead of you, live it for you, make it your life. You will meet people, make friends and grow stronger and happy.
Dump him immediately. It will hurt but one day it'll stop hurting and you will see what we see. He's a loser.

babysharkah · 18/07/2019 21:47

What are you getting from this?

Mandapanda9127 · 18/07/2019 22:31

Thank you everyone for your messages they reallu helped me out a lot Smile glad I came on here for advice. I've left him and going to focus on my self and make new friends at college xx @Thingsdogetbetter @UserUndone @funnylittlefloozie @Chiochan @MikeUniformMike @babysharkah Flowers

OP posts:
rightteous · 19/07/2019 05:57

Stop focusing on having a boyfriend and start focusing on being a good friend and building friendship circles

blackcat86 · 19/07/2019 06:14

I think that's the right move. He sounds violent, controlling and materialistic. Not a keeper. Let him keep whining to his parents whilst you to off and build a lovely life for yourself without that idiot.

MargotsFlounceyBlouse · 19/07/2019 06:35

He sounds horrible and you deserve someone caring. I'm glad you have got rid of this violent manchild.

Bananalanacake · 19/07/2019 06:40

well done on leaving him. keep it that way.

hellsbellsmelons · 19/07/2019 08:28

I'm glad you've ended this.
He sounds completely vile and abusive.
Make new friends and enjoy life.
If you think you need some help to avoid abusers in future then please do contact Womens Aid and ask them about their Freedom Programme.

MikeUniformMike · 19/07/2019 10:54

Well done. Stay NC. However hard do not contact him at all, and no checking his social media. Block him.
Looking forward to seeing your I'm a Make-up artist -AMA thread one day.
Stay strong.
You come across as a lovely person.

thecatsarecrazy · 19/07/2019 11:18

Why are you with him? He's a dick. He treats you like shit. Your not married don't live together so tell him to sling his hook. Imagine 10 years down the line being stuck with him couple of kids you at home and well and truly stuck. Bin now !

thecatsarecrazy · 19/07/2019 12:16

Sorry didn't read it all. Good luck op

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