Ex has moved on very quickly

[CBradshaw]

I left my husband a couple of months ago - he physically assaulted me after a few years of emotional abuse. Whilst I don't want him back, I sometimes still miss him (or at least the man he was in the first 7 years). I have just found out he has started seeing someone new and I am devastated. And I am dreading my children meeting her.

Any advice on how to put him out of my mind? I don't need a new man to be happy and I just want to focus on me and my children whilst I get used to our new situation.

Just time and having as little contact as possible will help. I know you can't cut him off because of shared children but try to keep this as business like as possible. I had an ex who moved on very fast and it threw me. I could not have children and he went off and immediately had a baby with his new girlfriend. Hurt like Hell but time and no contact eventually worked their magic. X

And no stalking on social media. That just prolongs the pain. Don't do it.

Stop trying to remember the first 7 years. Focus on the emotional and physical abuse and get angry. Also feel sorry for the new GF as he'll reveal his true colours to her in the end too.

Focus on keeping you and the DC happy and busy. it's not easy but it'll get easier.

How often does he see the children? Sounds like it is early days so I would not worry too much about her meeting them yet. I second other posters when they say focus on the children and your new life, not his.

How does somebody move on that quickly!!? I don’t blame you for being upset. Men are unbelievably tactless and selfish. Be business like. Block him on everything apart from email. She’s welcome to him. Onwards and upwards.

@CBradshaw how did you find out he is seeing someone? Did he tell you himself? Has he been broadcasting the new relationship or did you find out "by accident"?

Focus on yourself and healing after the abuse.

You don't have to worry about him and what mood he'll be in anymore. Be safe in the knowledge that your DC are no longer in that unhealthy environment.

If you fill your life with other things, you won't have headspace for him.

Men seem to move on very quickly, they are happier in a relationship than single.
Single women are happier than married women (overall, studies have shown) so celebrate your freedom, you don't really want him, be glad that he's someone else's problem now and do all the things he wouldn't let you do when you were together!

I know how much of a kick in the teeth it is. Remind yourself how pathetic he must be that he simply cannot survive being on his own if he needs to jump from one relationship to the next like that.

He's moved on because the relationship is probably a lot more about getting his needs met than building an emotional bond.

Be grateful that it is no longer you that he is using for this. The deficit is in him, not in you.

My stbxh was on tinder and going on dates less than 2 weeks after I left after 13 years together. At first I was hurt and devastated but now it just proves I made the right decision. After over a month alone I have absolutely no desire to date for a considerable time.

Thanks everyone. I know in time I won't be bothered by what he does, but it is still a bit raw at the moment.

I had very strong suspicions he was sleeping with someone (various things/info) but he personally told me this week he is seeing someone.

You need to hide all of your emotional reactions to this kind of news. Otherwise he may use you to boost his ego by deliberately upsetting you.

The poor woman he’s seeing! Wonder how long he’ll be on his best behaviour before he starts to abuse her as well. How you’re feeling is normal but be glad the trash is gone!

They often move on very quickly.

To put it brutally, a new and interesting opportunity to get his hole has come along, and for some men, that is the no.1 priority.

You have had a lucky escape.
I feel sorry for his new woman.

I agree with everyone else. What helps is

Time
As little contact as possible
When you do have to have contact, going grey rock
Reminding yourself of the bad times when you get nostalgic. Remember the real person is the one that you saw at the end.

It doesn’t seem that quick? Though ime men move on a lot quicker than women. My ex was LIVING with someone new 5 weeks after we broke up!

What I find weird is the women that are willing to shack up with someone so quickly after the bloke has just left a long-term relationship/marriage...especially those women with children living at home

My 'big ex', the most troublesome one, we called him Voldemort, he would line up the next one before allowing things to end with the previous one. So he only let me go because he lined someone else up to step into my shoes. Well, she climbed into everything else before I'd even moved out. But despite what he told her, I was seriously chuffed he had moved on because I'd been trying to leave him for two years. He kept bending my will to come back to him, through threats or promises to change. Controlling cunt. But anyhow. There is an ex of mine who I will always have a soft spot for and despite my having unexpectedly become pregnant with someone else within a few months of our split, it was still a little hard when he told me he had started dating someone else. I've not had this with any of the bastard arseholes I've been with. But I do understand that pang you get.