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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I doing the right thing?

5 replies

ChickenTikkaTellMeWhatsWrong · 18/07/2019 12:27

Me and my ex have split just over a year ago, after 15 years and have 2 DC. He has a new girlfriend that he has been with for about 6/7 months. He takes the children out once a week for tea with her and her 2 children and he tries to have them one night per week, if he isn't working.
He is having the children on Friday and told me they are all staying at his girlfriend's house, I've said ok, as he did mention that it might happen a couple of months ago. They are also going abroad in october (may be relevant).
I'm ok with them staying over at her house, as he is a good dad and I trust him; however, am I being too laid back, should I tell him it could be too soon, or should I keep out of it? It's more about the children and that fact that 6/7 months isn't very long.
I would be lying if I said I'm over it, I'm getting there but still have bad days, but I know that I need to move on and perhaps me agreeing to these things may help me get there.
The only reason I'm writing this thread, is due to mentioning it to a friend who thought it was too soon, so thought I'd see if anyone has any similar stories or advice.

OP posts:
PaterPower · 18/07/2019 12:33

The “too soon” horse has well and truly bolted! They’re already having tea and stat overs at the GFs.

Changing it now (or attempting to - you can’t control what your ex does with his time with the DC) will just cause confusion for the DC and resentment from your ex.

If you’re asking specifically about the holiday plans - again, you can’t stop it (easily) and you’ll just cause problems with your co-parenting with ex.

ChickenTikkaTellMeWhatsWrong · 18/07/2019 12:37

@PaterPower thanks, ya you're right, I'll just keep it as it is, the kids seem happy so I guess that's a good sign. It was only due to someone saying it was too soon, that I had to take a step back and think, is it? But as I've said I'm ok with it, so I'll leave it.

OP posts:
ChickenTikkaTellMeWhatsWrong · 18/07/2019 12:39

@PaterPower as much as the holiday did hurt, as we never went abroad as a family, I've grown to accept it and started putting away some clothes for the boys. Probably the less I know the better might be best at this time.

OP posts:
Mitzimaybe · 18/07/2019 13:03

I was going to ask if the DC seem happy or upset after seeing her but your update answers that. If the DC are happy about it then I wouldn't cause a problem over it.

quirkycutekitch · 18/07/2019 13:11

I’m guessing your friend hasn’t got to share her children?

You can’t tell your ex what to do with your children when they are with him the same as he can’t tell you what to do when they are with you - in the same vain it is not up to you to arrange their clothes for the holiday - that is his responsibility x

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