The one that got away

[Wondering333]

I’m really struggling with this atm. A man I’d known since my teens and been v close to, we’d reconnected at different points in life, had a close friendship and the occasional snog - but never at the right point, he was starting a relationship or I didn’t want one. When he ended his last relationship we were close and I feel if either of us had said something we would have got together. He got a new partner and so did I, and he’s just got married. It puts the lid on a relationship obviously, but also has ended what I thought was a close friendship.

I guess we were having a pseudo relationship through friendship - I realise this sounds needy and daft...I am actually a sensible person. But I now miss that close friendship and see it for what it was, a budding relationship that never quite made it because of circumstances. I’m full of regrets and it’s making me question my current partner.

Please be gentle - I know on paper it sounds a bit mad but this is a man I spent a lot of my twenties and early thirties being close to and it’s just switched off.

Tbh I've never known a man to not go for something a bit more with someone he really fancies. So if it was just the odd snog here and there over years and years, chances are that is all he wanted it to be. Otherwise he would have gone for more rather than friendzoning you for years. That doesn't mean the friendship wasn't solid or real of course, or even that there weren't sparks.

Also, hindsight has a tendency to rose tint things, especially when we are feeling a bit melancholy, chances are you didn't like him as much as you think you did and it's just now that he is no longer in the picture you are wondering 'what if'.

There will be others :) and when they come along, pay attention to what it is you want and go for it.

Thanks tea. I’m in a relationship it’s just struggling with feelings outside that and wondering if let the one go. As I say, hard to articulate without sounding an arse admittedly...but suddenly feel in love with the man I lost

@Wondering333

I read your thread, and it is like you are writing a page from my life before I settled down and got married. I had this experience with several men, you think there was some connection, perhaps you were meant to be, you are unique to him and he to you but for whatever reason, he was with someone, or the timing was not right!

Looking back, none of these men was worthy of me, and they indeed were not for me. What is for you will not go by you, and if this man is meant for you, then he would not have married someone else trust me. I think in your case its more of a regretting something you never did than regretting something you did. You would feel happier seeing him go off into the sunset with his wife if you could say that you had a shot with him perhaps or got to experience was he was like in bed?

What is important to realise that these feelings you are having for him, are emotions and your emotions are not loyal to you. Your feelings change, adapt and grow over time and you are just mourning something you never had but you always deep down thought you might get one day, only to realise that the one day never came. As for the friendship ending, it is unreasonable to assume he can be friends with you while married to his wife?

If you guys were only just friends then you could be friends, and you would have been invited to their wedding perhaps, but when you get married (for me anyway) you tell your wife/husband everything and I mean everything about your past and it would make his wife feel uncomfortable knowing he was friends with you given your history. He also probably does not want to get tempted by you and is being faithful.

You have said more here about this man instead of your current boyfriend? How long have you been in a relationship for? I think you need to ask yourself how invested you are in your ongoing relationship and focus on him or if he is not for you then go and find the man who is for you. I think you just have to let life happen naturally and be open to possibilities and your one true love will come along when you least expect it.

I am not saying forget about this man that got away, grief that loss and then move on.