I knew it was over...but I'm still in bits. Please someone hold my hand.

[penoversw0rd]

Together almost 10 years. Lived together for most of that time (mistake number one - moving in much too soon) and have one young child together. We've been having problems for a long time. We love each other but are very different - I am quite an anxious person and he finds that frustrating. A lot of resentment has built up on both sides, especially on his, to the point where I feel like I can't put a foot right. We started counselling a couple of weeks ago but I feel like too much damage has been done for things to work. We had another row tonight (over nothing, but really over everything, if you see what I mean?) just as we were sitting down to dinner. He's packed a bag and left. I'm sitting sobbing amongst the uneaten plates, hating myself for letting things get so bad. I knew this was coming but all I can think think about is how I could have tried harder. He loves our son so much and is a great dad but I can't bear the thought of our family being split and only seeing my son half the week. My head is spinning. I feel like I'll never stop crying.

This is really really awful for you. You need to go back to basics, is your child with you? In bed?

Hi OP, would you suggest counselling with him? I only suggest that as you say you both love each other so its worth a try. It depends on how he feels and how much you both want it to work.
However, if things are that bad and there is no way back then you need to try and face up to the fact. Never stay together for children as it teaches them the wrong things about relationships.
Did he say he was gone for good or just overnight to get some space?

You will get through this. The first weeks will be emotionally and practically hard, but things will improve. It’s difficult to believe that now, but in six months’ time you’ll be here on Mumsnet, gently telling newly separated people that exact thing, and believing it.

Thanks everyone. We started counselling the other week. We've had one couple session and one individual session each so far. He says he doesn't know if we can be fixed and, truth be told, neither can I. He came back about an hour ago when I was on the phone to my friend and then left again. Got a text a while later saying he came back to talk but I was on the phone and that he tried phoning and I didn't answer. Now he won't answer my calls. Why do this to mess with my head? Little one is upstairs asleep, blissfully unaware.

I definitely don't want to stay together just for our son. I was the child in that situation and all it does is cause damage.