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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm not sure if I'm over thinking...red flags or just not my people? Or have I got it all wrong?

9 replies

Leapoffaith00 · 17/07/2019 17:31

Single forever....dated alot....
I have learnt so so much (with the help of Amy Young and Matthew Hussy) about self care, setting boundaries and just believing that people come and go from our lives for a reason and teach us something new. The people that leave are just not our people, nobody to blame, just simple really.
Now - I find myself chatting and basically finding something that I feel uncomfortable with with most guys. I'm wondering if I'm over thinking. I think I'm doing ok but I was wondering on your thoughts to a few scenarios ....
You are chatting and something comes up where you tell them something you have achieved or about to recently - they're not interested in asking what and start talking about themselves. Is this lack of interest from the get go?
They ask to meet within sending about 5 messages back and forth without even asking anything about you. Time is precious, I don't have time to arrange dates without knowing there is potential. I know it's difficult via messages but at least have a conversation.
Arrange to meet and you don't hear from them in days - they ask if you are still up for meeting later. Maybe it's ok for them not to show too much interest?
I question if I am just over the whole dating thing as everyone feels exhausting.

OP posts:
Fonduefrolics · 17/07/2019 17:51

Sounds OK to me.

The people who don’t show an interest in you...well at the chatting stage it’s to see if you’re likely to get on and if they’re ignoring conversation cues maybe they’re all about the ‘bantz’

Those who ask to meet within 5 messages....that’s a nope from me too.

sonjadog · 17/07/2019 17:57

I find a lot of men on OLD will talk at length about themselves and never ask anything about me. For me it is a sign that there is no point continuing. I don’t want to date someone completely self-absorbed.

These men also are generally surprised when you say you don’t want to continue talking because they thought they were having a great conversation all about themselves.

MrBlueSkype · 17/07/2019 17:58

I think you sound quite healthy, absolutely nothing to worry about.

Leapoffaith00 · 17/07/2019 18:12

So no interest at the beginning, not hearing from them in days is all ok?
I'm definitely ok with the not arranging after a few messages, I need more than that. I guess it is all about what we personally will and will not put up with. I just question if I'm really fiercely seiving them out. There will be nobody left haha!

OP posts:
BlackBirdInMyGarden · 17/07/2019 23:24

I think your filters are fine. The people you describe don't sound as if they have taken anywhere near the time and effort to make it worthwhile to go on a date. And if they can't be bothered to even put that much effort in and try to get to know you or show some interest in who you are - why would you bother?

Leapoffaith00 · 18/07/2019 11:52

Ok thankyou for your messages.
I have politely explained to a couple that I like to chat a little and build a conversation etc etc so all agreed. One guy just says morning, how are you? What are your plans. Then an evening text saying how was your day. It's a bit boring. The other is chatty but ignores some of my conversation cues and has started mentioning a date again. One guy has disappeared after setting a date for tomorrow night. So I have completely lost interest there. I get it, it's obvious that is the main outcome here. I just don't feel excitment. Why not? I feel a bit like I'm lacking in the dating motivation too. I am trying to have conversations - I wonder sometimes if I'm just waiting to find flaws! As this has been a reoccurring thing....disappointment after disappointment.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 18/07/2019 11:56

Men are very boring.

Leapoffaith00 · 18/07/2019 12:01

Haha! Not all (I hope) I'm sure

OP posts:
AFistfulofDolores1 · 18/07/2019 15:07

@joystir59 - In general, I'm inclined to agree with you! OP, I am on internet dating, and I have had the same experience in terms of conversation; it has been primarily about them. Little in the way of a two-way exchange; little in terms of questions about me.

It leaves me wondering how many men are still looking for 'mummy' in the women they meet.

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