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Original poster

Tips for a long and happy marriage?

53 replies

Bookaholic73 · 17/07/2019 16:02

Myself and my fiancé were chatting last night about what’s important to us in a marriage.

Neither of us come from parents that stayed together, so I thought I’d ask you all!

What are your tips for a long and happy marriage?
Apart from not shagging other people, obviously Grin

OP posts:
SurfingGiantess · 17/07/2019 18:23

I'm not married but with my other half for 13 years and we have 3 children.
The one thing we always do is to make sure to ask ourselves each day " what can I do today to make life easier for him/her" .

Aquamarine1029 · 17/07/2019 18:31

Never ever call each other hurtful names. In the midst of being angry is not an excuse. Don't shout at each other. Be sure that both of you take equal ownership and responsibility in managing your household. Talk openly and often about your finances.

LoafofSellotape · 17/07/2019 18:56

Never ever call each other hurtful names. In the midst of being angry is not an excuse. Don't shout at each other

Agree with this and NEVER threaten divorce or to leave unless you actually mean it,you can't come back from stuff like that.

D0ckD0ck364 · 17/07/2019 18:58

I've been informed

Compromise

Appreciate what you have & make the most of life

Be kind

In sickness & health

LoafofSellotape · 17/07/2019 18:58

I would also add having outside interests and friends is healthy.

We didn't go to bed at the same time for years and years,both worked shifts. Not sure it has been that important in our marriage tbh.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/07/2019 19:01

Marry someone who spends half the year away on business.

Works for us - after 25 years (or should that be 12.5 years?)

HoustonBess · 17/07/2019 19:02

Trust, which means believing that the other person acts with your best interest at heart.

The minute you start being suspicious you get defensive, which damages your relationship.

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 17/07/2019 19:03

Independence, financial and social.

Theworldisfullofgs · 17/07/2019 19:03

21 years next week, 25 together.

Forgiveness and apologising, not holding a grudge ever, sense of humour.

Anothernick · 17/07/2019 19:18

We've be been together 30 years, married 27, 2 adult children. We've had bad times, almost split at one point, but I think the key factors in our case are allowing each other to pursue separate interests, we don't share many leisure interests, we are not one of those couples that spends all their time together, and being tolerant of what might appear at first sight To be the stupidity of the other half, always try to see their point of view before criticising something they have done.

And there's another factor as well which is that we have always nurtured our sex life, apart from the immediate aftermath of childbirth we have DTD regularly and often and continue to do so even though we are both over 60. This has been an important factor in keeping us together through the bad times- we have never withdrawn sex as a "punishment" to each other and it's amazing how your other problems seem less important when you are cuddling up in the afterglow even though you might have been arguing earlier in the day.

upple · 17/07/2019 19:21

Looking in the same direction is more important than looking at each other.

Always go to sleep on an argument, it's usually irrelevant next morning.

Not the usual advice, but I've managed 50+ years on it.

Chilledout11 · 17/07/2019 19:25

I think to have fun and things to look forward to (We don't and I want to work on that)

Shared interests (both like similar things like diy and gardening)

Respect

Realising there is no-one perfect

user1481840227 · 17/07/2019 19:31

There's a book called mating in captivity, which describes how the domesticity and sharing everything that goes along with long term relationships is the reason why lust and passion dwindles, and so to counteract that it's important to keep some sense of mystery, your own interests that you're passionate about, some time apart etc.

AnnaDine · 17/07/2019 19:33

Shared dreams, hopes and desires - even if they don’t happen!

Always talk to each other and have a laugh.

Support each other and agree the big decisions.

The worst years are when the kids are young (wouldn’t do that bit again!)

You are both in charge!

AnnaDine · 17/07/2019 19:36

We also agreed the other was free to leave anytime - but whoever left had to take the kids!

ladyvimes · 17/07/2019 19:38

Remember to be nice to each other. I think when you’ve been together a while you kind of take each other for granted. Make a drink for your partner if you’re having one, say please, compliment them.

TheNavigator · 17/07/2019 19:50

Be kind to each other and be on each others team. Married for over 25 years, together for 30, happier than ever.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 17/07/2019 19:58

Been married 38 years and find that having someone you respect, admire and fancy is really helpful :)

I really like my DH, I admire him for who he is, and still fancy him to bits.

Hate to say it this way, but you have to be intellectually matched or it can cause all sorts of trouble. Have seen this so many times.

Common interests and time apart seem to be another key. We both love time together and time apart.

Kindness. Someone who is kind to you, and to others. Never take that one for granted.

mamaduckbone · 17/07/2019 20:00

Remembering that it won't always be perfect but the grass is very seldom greener.

My dh has said that from day one he decided not to sweat the small stuff, and although I find it hard I do try as well. Everyone has annoying habits but they aren't the be all and end all.

Talk, laugh, be kind, be silly!

We've been married 17 years this year and together for 20. Now the dcs are growing up we have more time to ourselves again and we're finding that we actually still rather like each other, which is nice.Smile

Ninkaninus · 17/07/2019 20:05

Seriously the best thing my OH does for me (other than put up with me, provide for me, look after the practical things that I struggle with, listen to me, engage with me emotionally, intellectually and sexually and take care of my girls who are from a previous marriage) is tuck the duvet down over my neck and ear every night when we’re snuggling and getting sleepy. He doesn’t want me to get cold in the night. 🥰🥰

SolitudeAtAltitude · 17/07/2019 20:06

Marry someone you really like

Marry someone who is kind to others

Snoozeulose · 17/07/2019 20:25

Sexual compatibility is key. So many people marry their “best friend” but this best friend also needs to be your lover!

SolidInstallation · 17/07/2019 21:42

We have been married 35 years, together 43 years.
Our outlooks, personalities and beliefs are very similar - he is like a mirror image of me.
We are great friends and can tell each other anything.
We are both incredibly tolerant. Living with someone can be very testing.
We’ve had our trials and tribulations (sometimes huge) but we’ve stuck together.

NewMe2019 · 17/07/2019 21:53

Great thread. I'm going through a divorce and I know a massive area where we failed was communication. New DP and I have brilliant communication and can talk about and tell each other anything. Its very refreshing so glad to see it high on everyone's list.

Engineeringnerd · 17/07/2019 22:17

Respecting each other’s need for space and need to be alone at times to add to communication , kindness and trust . Being mature and secure enough to see that a couple are two individuals who aim to bring out the very best in eachother .