Oh younger colleague

[Mummyofbananas]

Long time lurker but first time poster.

Ok bit of a cliche but me and my partner have been together close to 10 years. We have three small children. We're both tired and busy and argue a lot but we still love each other a lot too.

Recently my oh has mentioned a younger colleague a lot. Nothing untoward but her name oops up a lot. Shes very different from me, loud confident etc. She actually sounds like the female version of my oh.

Theyve been messaging sometimes but usually about a boy she likes asking for advice so i never thought anything about it, the boy knocked her back, but one night after thyd been out she was telling him she was liked this other boy because of his sexual preferences (and went into detail). And telling him she was eating hot dogs.

A few nights later a pic popped up when he was sitting beside me in the car and it looked like girls kissing so i had a look later and shed sent a pic of her and a friend pretend kissing along with lots of moaning about the other person rejecting her.

I then got a bit crazy and looked on her social media and shes shared things about dad bods and beards being sexy and wanting what you cant have.

I dont know whether its just an ego boost for him and her just looking for attention or if i should be worried 😯

Sorry about the typos i don't know how to edit x

She's behaving totally inappropriately - messaging a man she works with about her sexual preferences FFS! Your OH needs to tell her to back right off. Does she realise he's the father of 3 small children? She sounds very childish and you need to have a serious talk with your OH about this situation. He's probably flattered that a younger woman finds him attractive.

I'm sure he is flattered, but he needs to tell her to back the fuck off! What she's doing is wholly inappropriate, and if he doesn't tell her, he's crossing a line and being very inappropriate too.

Dog whistle girl: www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a24736/beware-dog-whistle-girl/

But she’s not your problem, your husband shouldn’t be entertaining her nonsense.

Agree with PP, they are definitely crossing a line with those conversations and I would be so angry. He needs to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that he won't talk to her outside work because she's inappropriate.

Your husband sounds very immature too tbh

She messaged him originally to ask about the person she liked, a mutual colleague and he discussed it with me so i wasn't concerned, it was just a bit of fun really, i think she's maybe just enjoying a bit of attention after being rejected and i get that, she's very young (we're 30 she's maybe 22?).

I just worry its crossed a line now and she's potentially seeing him as something more. Im worried my oh would be tempted (not blaming her, it would all be on him)

(my oh can be immature, hes fun i usually like that about him).

Sounds dodgy to me. My ex kept mentioning a woman from work, a few months later I ended our relationship as he was hiding messages and being super dodgy. Just be super aware

I think you're right to be worried by this.
I mean, she's obviously trying it get
His interest, whether this is just for an ego boost or if she's genuinely interested is unclear but I wouldn't be pleased about this.

Dog whistle girl

Yep, absolutely, she's a classic, and a very loud whistle she's got going on too. 🤨

It's totally inappropriate and your husband needs to stop talking to her about her personal life immediataely.

Please remember she is very young and that makes her vulnerable - whether or not you see that it is true. A 20 year old has less life experience and the teen brain does not develop into an adult brain until mid twenties.

If you had a 20 year old daughter who you found was flirting a lot with a much older married man you would be annoyed with both - but you would see the older man as responsible for his own part in it.

She may be just having a laugh winding an obviously infatuated man up - your husband is being unbelievably disrespectful to you and to his family commitments. He is also behaving irresponsibly towards a much younger colleague.

I can't believe you are even on here questioning if its 'gone too far' - its way too fucking far and you need to get him to block her immediately and stop these conversations.

To be honest I think calling her dog whistle girl may be unfair - she is very young and your husband is clearly encouraging her to flirt and be inappropriate. SHe isn't a friend of yours and has no experience of married life - perhaps her and her friend are actually laughing at your husband? When I was 20 I thought 30 was pretty ancient - and having kids was WAAAY ancient.

Oh no play it cool if you get wound up, he may stop sharing things and start hiding it. However, I know it would drive me insane too as that Is very unprofessional.

Thank you everyone. Its been mainly banter up till the last two things ill be keeping a closer eye now.

Im not blaming her she's young. I was the same at that age x

I agree with playing it cool so as you're kept in the loop. Act like you find it hilarious so as you can ask for the latest updates

But keep a close eye and be wary if there's any work nights out or the likes. I'm now suggesting your husband would cheat but some women are relentless

My DH's affair with a younger colleague started similar to this but as banter on Facebook. He wouldn't let me next to near his phone but I now know that they were constantly messaging and later shagging

Does your partner have a dad bod and a beard?

OP, you are underreacting. They have already crossed a line in a massive way. Mentionitis. White Knight Syndrome. Discussions about detailed sexual preferences. Photos of simulated girl kissing. She is trying to tantalize and try it on. He is choosing to participate in this sleaze by failing to shut her down.

You don’t know what their dynamic is in person. He is obviously encouraging her, as this is escalating. His boundaries here are weak, and he being highly disrespectful and disloyal to you..

Be cool at your own peril. I would demand that this stops now and that he cuts contact.

he is being

Yes he has a dad bod and beard.

To be fair his responses arent bad he hasn't said anything sexual back. He didn't show me those messages though when he'd shown me other ones so he obviously knows they're not on d

So the Facebook posts about dad bods and beards being sexy and wanting what you can’t have are aimed at your partner. He knows that she wants him. Others will, too.

He may not have responded to her vile messages in a sexual way, but I would have expected him to immediately shut her down out of respect for you. Why hasn’t he?

The messages and FB posts are huge red flags. So is the fact that he stopped showing you her messages once she became sexual. He knows it’s wrong.

I would confront him.

Why is he even texting a 22 year old work colleague????? That's inappropriate as is !

Please don't put up with this. People get away with all kinds of shit behaviour by excusing it as 'banter.' And @Duchessgummybuns is right about the dog-whistle girl...Ooh other women don't seem to like me, I don't know why...Ooh I'm not after your husband, I was just being friendly...God, your wife is sooo jealous and controlling...etc etc
I mean, really, fuck this shit.