Trying to tell friend about new bf and she's not listening

[Mycatatetherat]

I'm an extremely private person. I've been seeing a man for a few months now and took it very carefully at the beginning as I have dc and an unstable ex. So I held off telling people for a while until I knew there was something worth telling.

I've just started telling the people closest to me. This morning I went to see the person who I consider one of my closest friends with the specific purpose of telling her. As soon as I arrived she launched into her latest drama. This is often the case. I listened and empathised and advised and waited for my turn but it never came.

I came away really upset. I know I hadn't warned her that I had something to tell her and she couldn't possibly have predicted it or read my mind. But on reflection this is a pattern we have. I listen to her dramas. She is very open and everything becomes a story. I'm the opposite. I choose to tell my stuff to carefully selected friends and family at the right time. They all know this. But this particular friend just doesn't give me the chance to share.

Am I being silly and childish? Is there a way to deal with this well without upsetting her?

And the irony is that when I do eventually tell her she'll be upset with me for not telling her sooner!

Well if the pattern you've established is that she talks and you don't; she's open and you're closed; she shares and you don't, exactly how was she supposed to know that this is time would be any different?

I have a friend like that and I know that I can that friend with quieter people. The way it's dealt with us a text beforehand saying "I really want/need to talk to you about something today". And then we listen.

If she still doesn't listen then you have a problem but relationships tend to fall into recurring patterns of behaviour that wont change unless someone makes it change. Just hoping won't do anything.

I'm the quiet one.

You have to assert yourself occasionally and break into their monologues.

I'd probably text the news and then they tend to ask about it.

If you want to tell her because you want her specifically to know then text her and tell her. That way it’s said before she can start with her own drama.

If you want her to know because you are just telling people and she is one of those people on the list by default then I wouldn’t bother telling her and when she finds out and kicks off that you didn’t tell her sooner you just tell her that she seemed busy with her own situations and you didn’t find a moment where she was able to talk to you about your situation.

I wouldn't be too bothered about upsetting your friend. as she is upsetting you really. If she is a proper friend,it shouldn't be too hard to ask her to listen to what you wish to convey to her.

I know what it's like, when people are only invested in their own lives,and never listen to others. Personally, I just avoid them,and feel it's not worth all the bother.

I agree Bandsandbeer but I don't really know how to break the cycle! Or maybe subconsciously don't want to. I am really right at the very end of the spectrum of how private people can be!

She is a really lovely, generous friend, more like a sister really. But thinking about it I have a similar dynamic with my sister!

Texting the news first or at least "I want to tell you something" is a good idea.

well she's hardly your 'closest friend' if she's never interested in your life and doesn't ask - or even give you the chance- about your life.

People like her are emotional vampires and will drain you.
She may be narcissistic too.
what exactly do you get out this 'friendship'?

I think that's a bit harsh. Either that or most of my mates are emotional vampires . (Which is possible I suppose.) But I'm very closed off, so generally friends come a long way to meet me, as it were.

I've had emotional vampires in my life and she's definitely not one of them. She's just a little....dramatic. Every tiny detail of her day becomes a story (she's a very amusing storyteller) but by the time she's finished recounting her entire day I'm drained and can't be arsed talking...

Maybe a text along the lines of ‘by the way, I meant to tell you earlier but didn’t get chance...’ and your news. Then you have told her and also made a hint?