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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trying to understand this obsessive 'crush'

2 replies

TheYellowCardGirl · 17/07/2019 09:31

I am in my 30's, widowed with two children under 4. My husband died 2 years ago, it has been an awful time but I feel like I'm coming out the other side and feeling stronger.

We had a mutual friend who we socialised with often. I would sometimes think in passing that he looked attractive etc but nothing major. I wouldn't say over the past 2 years we have been in close contact but he occasionally checks in and has come to visit on several occasions (lives abroad) I'll also note that I'm pretty sure it isn't reciprocated!

I am obsessed with him now, it's how I remember feeling when I first met my husband. I'm so confused by it all. I flit between thinking it's genuine attraction to possibly me transferring my feelings into the only other familiar male I know. It's getting to the point I'm constantly looking back on messages to see our interactions and how often he has instigated conversation with me, looking at his pictures, daydreaming of scenarios of us getting together. Writing it all down is embarrassing, I sound like a love sick teenager.

So what should I do? Shall I indulge the crush and hope that it runs it's course, or will that make it worse? I wondered if it means I'm feeling ready to date again but thinking of someone I know makes it feel safer? I don't want to be alone forever but at the same time hate the idea of dating sites.

If you managed to get through all of that, thank you Grin

OP posts:
AnneKipanki · 17/07/2019 09:36

It's a crush. Do not act on it.
If he wanted to go out with you I am sure he would ask. He sounds a lovely guy though.
Maybe you are ready to start dating ...maybe you could ask his advice ?Good luck.

TheYellowCardGirl · 17/07/2019 11:09

Don't worry, there is absolutely no chance of me acting on it! I value our friendship, and like I said, there is no inkling that feelings are reciprocated. He is lovely, which is the problem Grin I'm wondering whether letting myself daydream about it at all is perhaps making it worse? I forgot how awful 'crushes' make you feel, honestly I would prefer not to be feeling like this!

OP posts:
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