Finally called the police after another assault

[Overwhelmedandlonelymommy]

I'll make this quite short, after almost 3 years of him having alcohol problems and drinking too much, isolating me from my friends, verbally abusing me by making insults at every opportunity and a small amount of violence I have tonight called the police on what will be the last time hes going to assault me. What happens now? I feel okay at the moment but am worried I will start to divert again and want him back.. I've left him before but went back, on more than 1 occasion. People ask why but the truth is I dont even know why myself? Currently sat waiting for the police to turn back up to give a proper statement. I have a baby in bed upstairs and I'm exhausted. Please tell me there's hope.

Well done op.
Your first step to a happy abuse free life.
As well as this thread please get some real life support xxx

You know in your heart that you and your baby deserve so much better than a life of abuse and violence.
My advice find your anger.. how dare he hurt you the little shit of a man?...use it to propel you through to your independence.
(I have to admit someone l was dating hit me once and l stayed incandescent with rage from a very long time)
It helps.
Don’t ever doubt yourself

i think the police can put you in touch with womens aid and you can get very good support from them.

You have done something very difficult and as a pp said, this is the first step to an abuse free life! I did this 11 years ago and I won't lie, it was horrid in the beginning (had never been single, really) but as time went on, it's hard to put into words, but life just became so 'easy'. What I mean by that is no walking on eggshells, no fear, no waiting for the next mood swing/character assassination/threat. It was like the sun came out. This WILL happen for you- please have faith in yourself. You've already been strong enough to report it. You will look back at this and be proud of yourself

Well done!
You have just started creating a safe home for you & your baby.

Do it for your daughter. I grew up watching my parents physically fight, it still affects me now at 38, I have really bad anxiety. Don’t let your dd grow up witnessing this and thinking its ok, as it can become a cycle. Luckily for me it has not, and I’ve not been in an abusive relationship- whether that’s luck or judgement, I don’t know. Do it for your dd, and well done on getting to this point. Please contact Women’s Aid so they can provide you with the appropriate advice.

Thankyou all for your advise and supportive words. I have had a sleepless night, had his mother on the phone saying how dare I call the police, that I'm causing drama and how he will lose his job now because he's been arrested and unable to go to work ect ect.. x

Forget his mother she is facilitating an abuser......she is unimportant to you.

HE is responsible for losing his job, not you, HE is fully responsible for his actions. He decided whether or not to be violent and if he does there are consequences.
This is nothing to do with you...Hi actions His responsibility.

You just have to focus on getting away.

Hello OP. Um so sorry you are going through this tough time.

In your position I'd (even temporarily) block his mother from your mobile and home numbers to get away from the negativities she's throwing your way.

Does she have a key to your home? If possible change the locks. Get a chain on the inside of the door and use it before opening the door to anyone.

What is the position regarding your other half? Is he husband or partner - as that will have a bearing legally on a financial settlement if you decide (hopefully) to go that far. What is the situation about your home? Is it rented? Co-owned etc?

Absolutely no need to answer these questions here, but things for you to think about when considering the next steps.

As another PP has said, Women's Aid can provide you with help/advice. Tel. 0808 2000 247 or https://www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact

Also take a look at www.entitledto.co.uk in case you need to claim benefits to help you financially. Don't forget to claim your single persons discount for your council tax.

I feel okay at the moment but am worried I will start to divert again and want him back.. I've left him before but went back, on more than 1 occasion.
Take a good look at your child and ask yourself whether the current situation or any empty future promises is good enough for them? That should strengthen your resolve even more than for yourself alone.

Good luck my dear - and good for you taking the first steps to a safer/better life for you and your child. 🌹

It takes around 7 attempts to finally leave an abuser.
I've no idea why but those are the stats.
Make this time to set yourself and your DC free.
Bringing up a child in an abusive household is now deemed as abuse of that child.
Don't allow your child to model this as their future relationship.
What would you tell your DC if they were in this same situation?
If it's not OK for them then it's NOT OK for you.
Time to take back control of your own life.
Time to put a stop to that cycle of abuse.
Time for you and your DC to live an abuse free life.
Don't back down.
Press charges.
Ignore his enabling mother.
Block her or tell her to fuck off if she tries to guilt trip you again.
The apple clearly doesn't fall far from the tree.

Contact Womens Aid
Contact Rights of women
Contact CAB
Contact Shelter if you need help with housing

You got this.

Great advice above. Also his mother has failed by facilitating his abuse. She is toxic. Block her. You don't owe her anything or your abusive ex. If you find your resolve wavering, please picture your baby upstairs and focus on not letting him/her grow up in such a violent and abusive home that will add another victim with potential long term issues. It's not just you now, you need to protect your baby from this!

It's his fault he got arrested - he has committed a crime, so it serves him right. His mother will think the sun shines out of his arse though, so ignore her.

Thankyou for all your replies, I am planning on contacting womens aid tomorrow. Luckily i am moving to a new house in 10 days. I am currently financially in a lot of trouble, I haven't got much food in and am running low on milk. I also had a parking charge notice to be paid within the next 8 days, however I dont get paid again until the 6th so God knows how I am going to manage. I spent over 3 hours doing a video interview today, hes now been released on bail. His sister has contacted me on my social media page and made out like I'm causing drama and lying!! She had threatened to have my baby taken off me, made me laugh a little because baby doesn't even know her, shes met her once when she was born. I am trying not to focus on what happens next, but it is very difficult. Especially since I'm alone every evening and I dont really know what to do with myself now. X

Sorry to butt in, but I really can’t tell you how much I needed to read these words tonight. Thank you x

Flyg - I hope you are okay x

How are you doing @Overwhelmedandlonelymommy ?

Firstly well done on reporting him. That's a hard step to take. Completely ignore his Mum and Sister, they are talking absolute rubbish. If he gets the sack for missing work on account of being arrested for domestic violence, that is entirely his responsibility.

Is there a local food bank you could go to for milk and other essentials? Or do you have family/friends locally who could help in the short term?

I know it all feels tough at the moment but you can do this. These are your first steps towards a better life for you and your baby. Stay strong.

Afternoon all, update: Today I have managed to apply for an emergency payment "advanced budgeting loan"... I have recieved that payment so that's 1 weight off my shoulders. I have been granted legal aid in order to apply for an injunction and a prohibited steps order to be put into place. I have also rang CMS and opened a claim to get the ball rolling. I hate the fact that out of all the hurtful things his family are thinking and saying about me, not one of them have asked how our daughter is or wanted to know if she was safe at the time of assault. I'm being branded on social media as some sort of control freak and it has got me down a bit. X

Well done for taking these positive steps OP. It IS hard having to think and do all these practical but new things - so good for you for getting the ball rolling.

As for his defective family - for now I'd suggest you mute them on all social media and strengthen your own privacy settings. You need some mental peace while you are going through these stages and you don't need to hear or see any of the ignorant Orr hurtful things they say.

Sorry to hear things are tough, OP. You are doing brilliantly! One step at a time and take care of yourself and your little girl x

Get yourself off sm. Block all of his family ASAP.
You are doing great op. .

Step away from the crazy and take all the social media apps off your phone to resist having a peek.

At the times you would click on social media click on something else, anything else, even the Sidebar of Shame but stop these idiots getting in your head.

Bravo for making such a brave step.

Definitely block his family. You may feel like it's better knowing what they're saying, but it really isn't. Some people just won't get what's happened - they refuse to see it for what it is.

Switch off from them and give yourself a moment's peace. If it's you and LO against the world, you'll need that to strengthen yourself.

Okay, so were are a few days after the assault. Hes back living at his moms and I'm here with the children trying to organise my life. Nobody has made any attempt to ask about our daughter, they are all just focusing on "supporting" him! He has explained he will have her during the week for an hour, but that weekends he wont because "I'll be doing whatever i want"... is this just another way of him controlling me? Using our daughter to spite me or something. Its sick!! I am so upset about my poor little girl.. rant over sorry guys x

You sound like you have your head screwed on and have launched straight into survival mode.... Very well done 🏆

Anything he or his batshit family have to say is irrelevent. As previous posters have said stay off social media, it will just twist your perception and inflame your emotions.

Oh and one more thing prepare yourself for the guiltrip, the crocodile tears, the derranged ranting and the complete rewriting of history (not necessarily in that order).

Focus entirely on the facts of the situation and what you know to be true, not what anyone is 'saying'.

Good luck x

Ignore his fucking family, it's pretty clear how he ended up how he is, I think. You are doing just great practically. Do you have any friends and family that YOU can reach out to for emotional support? If not just keep using here! Well done.