Hi guys. I have come on here in the hope of some advice. I hope i don't sound unkind or anything. Bascially i have a friend, a friend i met at 18 (im 31 now) she is 32. We clicked back then. We were carefree and had some great laughs. We would meet after work, go to the pub, cinema etc. She was my bestie.
7 years ago she fell pregnant and her little one changed the way our friendship worked as expected! I happily adapted and was excited for her. I helped her out after her baby was born. I was her emergancy babysitter and babysat her around 5 times in her first year. Then i fell pregnant. But i noticed my friend was not there for me and never offered her help. I figured she was busy with her own baby. Understandable!
Over the last 5 years weve had ups and downs. When my baby was 10 months old i had to finally admit to her i was not happy. Her then 2.5 year old was being so rough with my baby. I wont go into it too much but my friend sat there whilst her daughter did dangerous things around my baby from 2 weeks off age. I was so shocked at my friend sitting there as her daughter dragged my baby off a playmat, screamed in her face and ripped every toy from her. She tried to rip a bib off her neck once and my friend did not put her drink down let alone guide her. She was only 2 years old but it was causing me so much stress that i suggested mums nights out once a month instead of playdates. My friend stopped talking to me. I was tactful at the time and tried to say they are both at such different ages and its hard for us to catch up. On top of all this she allowed her to climb in my windows etc. I was so worried she would break something or hurt herself.
1.5 years later we both fell pregnant again. We got back in touch and i just have never truly felt the same since. Weve been meeting up most weeks again for 2 years and i just find it tricky. If we go to her house for example she wont offer my 4 year old a drink or a snack. I take my own but i mean it more that you dont feel relaxed or that welcome. She puts no effort in to speak to my kids or fuss them.
Also ive noticed she expects help from her family but gets cross if her family ask for anything from her. She is very focused on herself and how everything affects her. Last month i was not free on her days off. I had appointments and people coming over to do quotes on a new roof. She was questioning me like i was making excuses. I often just feel like she only cares for herself. She hates being home and has to be out all day everyday socialising. She often chases me up wanting to book me in on her day off. I should be happy to meet her but i always feel abit blank about what to do. It feels abit forced. My child also does not like being with them as she feels bored as her eldest is at school. She feels abit pushed out with the two one year ds and plays me up massively when we are with them. All in all i find meeting up a chore and forced. I dont truly click with her. I have another friend who actually asks about my child and shows she cares ahout me and my kids.
Theres this part of me that thinks its easier to plod along and be polite but another part of me thinks we have grown apart and we dont click. I know she wont help me out. My daughter was bursting for a wee last time we met so she had to wee in a field hedge. Not ideal but my friend she was mortified and disgusted and i could sense the judgement. She literally said whats she doing in a panic.
Anyway i have said im free friday. Im just so torn. I already think what is the point my daughter will be fed up and play me up.I cant make an excuse i have to either keep her in my life or let her go. I just dont like being fake and i dont know why i cant 100% let go. I think its the history we have. But all i have seen is her take and never give. Shes had loads of next clothes for free etc from me for her child. Still perfect ones my daughter has outgrown. Ive brought both her kids sweets etc. Shes Never even sent my daughter a card for her birthday. I dont feel she ever gives us anything in return for anything. Not that i want anything as such but just a small bit of appreciation would be nice.
I know how bad this sounds. Please be kind to me. Im really not writing this in a selfish way. I just dont know if i should give it up or for the sake of the past keep trying.