Just friends

[Coco89]

Hi just a bit of advice so I met a man on online dating...we really got on and was seeing him for 3 months everything was going fine and he suddenly just wanted to be friends. He felt we would be better as friends I had a different opinion. I do still see him once or twice a week and he is very caring towards me...there is still so much chemistry between us...he started to see someone else I was hurt but did not show it, this ended because of our friendship and she didnt like it. He refused to cut me out. Now he will text me most morning and even sometimes in the early hours asking to come round! Now I do like having him my life and I feel we do have a connection that friends shouldn't have. But he still says am a good friend...do i cut him out? Do I wait till he is ready? Am so confused I'm 30 he is 33

I had this and for the sake of your sanity cut him loose. He will keep you hanging until he meets someone he really cares about and forget about you. He knows what he wants and as harsh as I may sound that person isn't you . Forget him so that you can open yourself to meeting someone that will value you.
Good luck

He comes round early mornings ??
Fwb ??
Steer clear
No wonder the last gf dumped him.

He's basically keeping you as a back up incase nothing better comes along.

Fuck that, make yourself unavailable to this chancer ASAP

You are still having sex with him when he feels like it ?

Please cut him out. I have had this and cut him out. This won't work long term.

Are you having sex when he comes round?

Ready for what OP? He is ready. He’s dating other people. He’s just using you.
I know that sounds harsh OP & you’re probably thinking ‘oh he’s so nice, he’s not the type to use someone’ but he is. You.

He will never be ready. You’re hoping he’s going to have a Eureka moment and realise/confess he’s in love with you...but he won’t. He isn’t.

Aw fuck though...it’s a sore one. He’s not your man. Bin him off so you can get over him and be ready for whoever is.

Good luck xx

I don't think it sounds good (to put it mildly).

As pp have said, he is using you. You're likely to be thinking that you have this amazing connection, that he really loves you but could be hurt/scared due to his past, that if you just keep acting the cool friend he'll finally realise you're the one... and so on.

In reality even if he does like you, he doesn't see you as quite good enough to be the one. At 33 he may well play around for a good few more years. That sounds harsh I know, but try not to waste your time on him. There is much better out there!

Thanks guys, I think I already knew the answer. Just finding so hard to let go. I do not sleep with him when he comes round. I'm done now as I'm not willing to be someone's back up plan. Thank you for the advice

Just don’t waste time on someone who doesn’t want you.

Wee story. Many years ago I fell in love with someone with whom I was friends. We spent a lot of time together and I felt like we had this amazing rapport, connection, chemistry...whatever you want to call it. I thought we would make a perfect couple. I often wondered if he felt the same but was afraid to confront it. I ended up spending about a year mooning over this guy, waiting for him to make the move.
Eventually I grew bored of waiting and had The Conversation. He quite calmly, politely and firmly rejected me. He had never seen me as a potential girlfriend or partner and he was surprised (and I think quite dismayed) that I had been harbouring romantic notions about him at all, never mind for so long.
Aaaaanyways...the point of this is to describe what happened next. After the initial shock and humiliation of being knocked back, I had clarity. What a waste of my time that year had been. He didn’t want me...or at least, not in the way I wanted him to want me. It was never going to happen. As if by magic FOOM!...all feelings of love for him disappeared. It was as if the switch had been flicked. Truly, there is nothing less attractive than knowing you haven’t a hope.
I took two things from the experience:

1. If you want someone, tell them. Don’t waste time hoping. Spell it out before you invest any. If it’s the dreaded no, you can move on sooner rather than later. You will get over it...and quickly.
2. Generally, if a man wants you, he’ll show and tell. Particularly if his intended seems receptive.

Oh and...

1. You need to be adored, not settled for.

Your guy there has already stated that he sees you as a friend. He had the opportunity to be your boyfriend and he didn’t take it. He has made his perspective clear.
Please don’t invest any more time into hope. Clear your path ahead leaving it open for someone who thinks you’re wonderful!

You are his 'fall back girl'
Sod that crap.
Do you have other friends?
Do you really need another 'friend'?
Cut him out and move on for the sake of your own mental health.
Just stop responding to his texts.
He will get the message soon enough.