Just after a bit of advice as I’ve been made to think I’m going mad but a big part of me says I am not!
Ok so you may recall a previous post some months ago about my partner. We’ve tried and I’ve tried, very hard to make things work. Some weeks have been great, others not so great and things revert back to normal.
Anyway, on Saturday the in laws came over. Before mother in law took a seat, she said she had something to tell us...she said, were all going away next year (mil, fil, sil, bil, me and partner and our 2 kids) for fil’s birthday abroad to Portugal. You don’t have to pay we’re paying and you just have to turn up. She very quickly said after that, but of course you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. Straight away my partner said, yeah I’ll go definitely even if I (me) wants to stay and he said it with a face like a slapped arse, very arrogantly and dismissively and didn’t look at me once.
Basically in 10 years this will be the 6th holiday abroad, 5 of which have been with his parents and sister and her partner, 1 of which on our own. His parents have paid for some of these holidays, after of course telling us we are going on them and me getting no say whatsoever.
I wasn’t thrilled and my expression probably showed, however I did try to express some interest as i thought we don’t have to agree to anything there and then and maybe me and my partner could have a discussion. But later that afternoon Mil told partner I didn’t look happy about it. Apparently he again told her he will definitely be going.
We ended up arguing that night as I said I don’t particularly want to go. A long weekend away ok, I can deal, but another 10 days abroad I wasn’t feeling. He said I was an ungrateful bitch and it’s his family and the kids will love it, he didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night.
Bit of a back story, his sister quite literally bullied me silly, for years and years, the treatment was actually shocking and everyone stood by and said not a word. It took me to literally crack big time at her for my partner to finally take my side and he’s openly said to me and his parents numerous times since that his sister was an absolute cow to me for years and it should have been squashed long ago. There was never any reason except for jealousy over petty things and I actually resorted to being a mute around his family, I couldn’t come out of my shell because she was so vile. My partner always said he never knew what to do and totally accepts she was a bully to me for years. This was squashed 2 years ago and I’ve tried my best to put everything aside and forget everything. She hasn’t been that bad since then. But obviously we’re talking 11 years of disrespect against 2 years of just getting along as best we can.
The very next day after the in laws made their announcement, not even a full 24 hours later, they had been and booked the entire thing. Before they actually booked it they called my partner who told them we were having relationship problems at the moment, but he told them to book me a place and I can cancel. They went ahead and still booked the whole thing, less than 24 hours after announcing it. I can’t help but feel that was a bit selfish as they’ve made it clear they want to get all the grandkids abroad, never mind our relationship was in tatters.
Ever since my partner has called me ungrateful, a b*tch, mad, crazy for not wanting a free holiday.
I just feel he’s put their needs ahead of mine, yet again, like with all the other holidays I had no say in going on, while they all stood by and let his sister be vile to me - despite knowing she was being vile! 1 holiday I was told I couldn’t go on as sil didn’t want me there due to jealousy, her partner was allowed to go but I wasn’t. In the end I was allowed to go but I had to fly back after the first week on my own while they all stayed...all because of sister in law. This was many years ago, he says I shouldn’t hold onto it. But it’s this and other behaviour that makes me hold some resentment. Not to mention all of the other issues. He is refusing to talk to me now. We’ve barely spoken in days.