I just can’t be arsed!

[SataySkewer]

I’m wondering if any wise MN people can help me work out why I feel the way I do
I’m 29.
I’ve had 3 long term relationships, last one ended about 18 months ago. We are still good friends.
Without sounding bigheaded, I’m not short of male attention, but I just can’t be bothered with men.
I go on dates, my hearts not in it. If I like the guy I’ll see him a few more times but eventually just stop replying as, again, my hearts not in it.
He can be really attractive and lovely but I just have NO enthusiasm. And I kick myself because I think “he’s lovely, he could be the one”.
Rewind a few years and I was the opposite - I fell hard and fast and got butterflies etc, this never happens anymore.
I’ve got to the point where I’m starting to question my sexuality because I’m just so unbothered by men nowadays!
Is it just that I haven’t met the right guy? I’m so confused why I feel like this now

Maybe you need a bit of time to focus on yourself and what you want in life apart from relationships - maybe the type of guys you're meeting aren't right for you any more?

I agree. If the dating you're doing isn't working for you then stop doing it!

If you're using dating apps them this can be a big problem because, unless you are very mainstream and have very mainstream interests (e.g. football and Love Island) then you're unlikely to meet many people you've genuinely got things in common with that way.

In your shoes, I would stop dating altogether and focus on myself. What hobbies do you have? Interests? Skills? Talents?

You know when people talk on MN about becoming the best version of yourself? I'd concentrate on doing that and then think about dating again another time.

It sounds very much like the men you are meeting just aren't the sort of men you'd be interested in.

And if the questions you're asking yourself a out your sexuality continue, then a dating break will give you time to process those without distraction.

palahvah I hope that’s all it is. But I have had time without guys, I feel like I want to settle down and have kids etc but then when a guy comes along I just feel “bleurgh” (for want of a better word!)

It's not compulsory OP.

BandsAndBeer thanks for your thoughtful reply - I totally agree, I need to focus on what I enjoy and doing that, rather than worrying about men!

I feel like I want to settle down and have kids

My words of wisdom would he this.

Settling down and children should come because you've met someone and want to do those things with that person and not because you already have those things in mind and are just looking for the kissing piece of the puzzle.

Rather than looking for someone to gather your children, fall in love with yourself, date yourself, make your own eyes sparkle and then you will meet someone who makes your already happy life even better.

I’m the same, can’t be bothered it’s all far too much effort!
Ended a 12 month relationship in February and plan to spend some quality time with myself!

Missing not kissing 🙄

Bands that’s invaluable advice, really appreciate it. I really value the advice on here as I’ve never been married/had kids I think it’s great to get others opinions
Rockin nice to know I’m not the only one! Come join my boat

Follow Florence Given on Instagram, she is an amazing young women who wants to change the narrative of society that "single" must be a temporary state. Once you realise you are choosing to be single by not settling for anyone who doesn't enhance your life, you feel so much more empowered.

JellyBean off to follow!! Thank you 😊

Well i have been married and I do have children and I wish that someone e had told me that and not just focused on how important it was to find a man; any man who was willing.

I wish I'd known myself better, had more confidence in myself and valued myself more. I wish I hadn't been such an afterthought. If that makes sense.

You only get one life. Make it count ❤

Same here OP! I have zero interest in dating. Been single a couple of years. I still fancy men (from a distance - nobody in real life). I have interest from men. I don’t want to date, I don’t want sex, I don’t want the intrusion a relationship brings. Just can’t be bothered. It’s fine. It might not last forever but if it does I’m ok with that.

JK1773 that’s me down to an absolute T!!
It’s so nice to know other people feel the same way!

BandsAndBeer that’s a lovely post, thank you. Have taken what you’ve said on board x