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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I have a mega crush

13 replies

Ifeelreallylow · 16/07/2019 16:19

This is gonna be long.

I started a new job a while back., and after a month or so I suddenly realised I have a mega crush on a guy who works in the building but not for my company,
However, we work together a lot. I see him all day, and often end up together at the local cafe.
He's so pretty. He's also lovely and friendly.
He's a little bit flirty. But I don't know if he's like that with everyone or just me.
I work in an office of about 17 women, none of whom have more then a polite 'hello how are you' with him.
Where as, he stands and chats to me, he always asks about my weekend, how are my kids, etc. Winks at me, waves when he drives past, makes bad jokes. He mirrors ALOT. He never stops smiling.

We email a lot and he's quite open, jokey, but it's all responsive, he doesn't often initiate.
I think I've made my feelings quite well known, but then he could think that's how I am with all people, which I'm not.

I don't k ow whether he a) likes me back, b) likes the attention or c) is oblivious.

And it's starting to become distracting.
I want to get more, but I'm nervous that if he isn't into me then I'll fuck up a good working relationship and make us both awkward.

I'm open to opinions. But mostly I need to talk about it.
He's so lovely. He is so helpful, my colleagues joke about how helpful he is to me, if they need something doing they send me over cos they all say 'your his special friend'
Work crushes are the best, and the worst Confused

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 16/07/2019 16:23

Why would storage solutions be any use in this situation. . SIGH

Anyway are you both single ? If so what is the problem ?

Ifeelreallylow · 16/07/2019 16:25

Storage solutions?

Yes, we're both single. But I don't want to make a fool of myself and make things awkward.

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 16/07/2019 16:31

There are automated ads popping up on threads. Yours is suggesting storage solutions. There are several threads ranting about it already . It is another brainwave of MNHQ apparently.

Anyway it sounds like you both have feelings and I can understand you not wanting to make things complicated but are you going to be able to hide them now anyway ? Life is short and you don't know what this could lead to so I would talk to him in a subtle way. No need to go in all guns blazing just suggest a drink, cinema etc and see what he says. Well that's my advice anyway .

IdaBWells · 16/07/2019 16:35

Are you free and available? Is he?

Ifeelreallylow · 16/07/2019 16:50

Oh I see.
I didn't see any advert. Makes more sense now!

That is a good point about life being short

Yes. As far as I know, we are both single.
Unless he has entirely failed to mention a girlfriend....

OP posts:
Musti · 16/07/2019 17:11

I would organise a night out with some of your colleagues and also invite him along. Then on the night be a bit flirty with him and see how he responds.

Elvesdontdomagic · 16/07/2019 18:05

Next time he's being flirty say in a jokey way 'are you flirting with me'?! And check his reaction. If he becomes stand offish and cool then he's probably not really into you and if he acts flustered and shy then he probably is. It's ok to test the water, It's becoming obvious to others and doing your head in.

Ifeelreallylow · 16/07/2019 21:49

Thanks for talking with me and advice!!
I'm a grown woman, with 2 kids but still.... Grin

OP posts:
Cuddlysnowleopard · 16/07/2019 21:54

If you're single, and think that he is, I'd just ask him outright - "do you have a girlfriend?". It's a good starting question.

I don't have storage solutions, it's something about removing pollen...

Ifeelreallylow · 16/07/2019 21:56

I don't have any adverts at all, is that cos I use the app?

I tried just letting the crush play out in the hope it settles down but it's not!!

OP posts:
Ifeelreallylow · 18/07/2019 20:17

Just gonna keep updating this because I have to talk about it.

So I ended up having this mammoth chat with him.
Turns out, he separated from his wife in January. Only moved out of the marital home in May.

It was quite a strange conversation.
He was very open, he talked a lot about how shocked he was at the end of his marriage, how it had come as a surprise. How he still has to go back to the house as he's paying all the mortgage, and the bills.
How he is starting his life over again, and he wants to. He's ready to. He deserves happiness, he said I do too, I have beautiful children and I'm smart and attractive and I should be happy etc.

He hadn't told his family yet as he's not from the UK and he's off home for a visit and he has to tell them and he's dreading it because he's the poster boy child and his family will be devastated.

He mentioned his Instagram account (which I have of course stalked previously) being full of football posts. And for some reason I checked it again, and where there were photos of his wife on there previously, they are all gone now.

I'm confused, I'm still so into him but also, I'm like, wow. That's all so recent. This is massive in your life right now.

I always make a big ole mess of things 😅

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 18/07/2019 20:24

Life is short

Maybe he IS as ready as he says he is to move on, you could have something lovely just take it slowly (I don’t mean don’t have sex with him, I mean just don’t go from 0 to seeing each other every night etc)

Elvesdontdomagic · 19/07/2019 00:44

He's complicated. It's not a great start to any sort of romance, it needs a lot of time. I'd try a bit of self preservation now in case you end up getting hurt. Stop stalking and thinking about him too much and accept this may go nowhere. He probably is interested but may not be ready whatever he says!

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