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Original poster

How would you feel??????

27 replies

israel · 30/07/2007 07:53

....If...It's pouring outside...Dh and I have a full day together...and the kids are out at school...I suggest we make good use of this time...nice and cosy...and alone...and he says he would rather go fishing...and out he goes!!!!
I just feel very hurt...would you?

OP posts:
tokentotty · 30/07/2007 07:54

Honestly ? I'd be furious. Completely and utterly furious....
sorry, not much help but the truth.

belgo · 30/07/2007 07:57

I would have made plans for today, things to do together, to avoid this situation.

If he does really wants to go fishing today, then I would organise another day/ evening when it's just dh and me, so I have something to look forward today. Then I would spoil myself today, doing my own thing, whether that's shopping,knitting, whatever.

elasticsortinghandstand · 30/07/2007 07:59

some men are realy into fishing arent thye?

sigh.

can you join him?

Original poster
israel · 30/07/2007 08:02

The thing is...I went with him fishing...for a few hours yesterday...cold and miserable...sat on a rock for hours!!...
Its just that we have so little time alone...and yes...I do feel furious and hurt at the same time....Men...they just don't bloody think...and I keep thinking to myself...what an offer...how could the fishing be more attractive!!!

OP posts:
CharleeWeasley · 30/07/2007 08:05

I would be livid and i am afraid i would have to be so childish in the way that the next trime he tried to get his leg over i would say i was doing something else.

But seriously when he gets back i would explain to him how it made you feel and ask if you could both arrange a day/evening to have together.

wellies · 30/07/2007 08:13

You have to talk to him about how it makes you feel.
I have this same problem when I try to suggest some time with dp. It hurts. I try to tell him how i feel and since the last time 6 mths ago when I spelt out to him how it feels things have been better. However, a couple of weeks ago when we had nothing to do all eve but sit and watch TV - I suggested we used the time better and he said he'd rather watch BB - FGS!! He hasn't spoken to me about it since and we haven't had any intimate time since either. I'm so hurt about it (low self esteem at the best of times) that I'm not sure where we'll go from here....

Dior · 30/07/2007 08:29

Message withdrawn

Original poster
israel · 30/07/2007 08:33

Hello wellies....I am begining to think this is just a 'man thing'...play stations...telly ...fishing...I dont mind them at all...but in moderation...and to be turned down for fishing...well that just takes the biscuit...or the bait in my dh case!!...and you for BB...well...I dont know what to say....are men really so stupid in the communication art...surely we couldnt have made it any clearer...SEX ...or....and they chose the OR...what does that say about us??

OP posts:
elasticsortinghandstand · 30/07/2007 08:51

well mine would prefer the pub!

Wellies · 30/07/2007 08:54

To me it says I'd rather watch BB than spend any time with you, the mother of my children and woman I claim to love...

I do try to give dp time to himself for his own hobbies and so on, and I have been really trying to be better at the relationship since we went through a very rough patch 6mths ago to be a better partener. What does 'Men are from MArs..' say about when the man rejects the womans love?... I just feel that a little part of our relationship dies every time he rejects me If he didn't want sex then fine, no problem but he could have suggested a cuddle in front of bloody BB instead of a very clear NO, couldn't he?

muppetgirl · 30/07/2007 08:57

I must admit I'd be a bit miffed if dh did this. We have comprimised a little on the old long running 'x box' discussions we have in our household. He x boxes for about an hour whilst I mnet and then he switches off. He thinks I'm fab for being okay with this!!!

I would agree with the others, get your hair done, nails done or whatever you like to do to relax.

I understand that men need to 'go into their cave' but that doesn;t mean that you should stay home and clean the house.

I'd plan your next child free day citing this one as one that he had the time to himself...

elasticsortinghandstand · 30/07/2007 08:58

good one muppet
he is havig his "me" time
so you need yours,
spoil yourself

Dior · 30/07/2007 08:59

Message withdrawn

BandofMuggles · 30/07/2007 09:04

Seems like we have to bolster them when they come looking for it, but they can trample our hearts as and when they choose.
Who wrote this book

elasticsortinghandstand · 30/07/2007 09:05

a MAN!

BandofMuggles · 30/07/2007 09:07

hmm, i wouldn't be surprised. If it's a woman she needs stringing up next to the one that came up with that subservient wife crap.

Carmenere · 30/07/2007 09:11

Even thought the men are from mars thing seems to make some kind of sense I saw an interview with the couple who wrote it and they were very dubious and I think they may have evn split up now..........

Leati · 30/07/2007 09:14

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID, "Great, sounds like fun. Just give me a moment to get my stuff together .

Dior · 30/07/2007 09:14

Message withdrawn

elasticsortinghandstand · 30/07/2007 09:16

oh it as a coupole?
i bough thebook recently, on the strength of a recomendation from someone on MN but only really read how we are meant to modify how we ask them to do things!

and they have split up??

allgonebellyup · 30/07/2007 09:17

your kids are still at school?

dont you both have jobs to go to??

Dior · 30/07/2007 09:20

Message withdrawn

FlameParakeet · 30/07/2007 09:21

Depends..... if it had been planned as an "us" day, then I would be arsey... if it had been planned as both of us having days off on the same day, then I can sort of see his point of view

elasticsortinghandstand · 30/07/2007 09:22

i think she is talking metaphorically

muppetgirl · 30/07/2007 09:40

I think all this men going into their cave stuff is fine just so long as you are not going to spend his 'cave' time angry and frustrated at home by yourself.

My dh went to the gym last night for 2 hrs which he asked if it was okay and I said yes. I din't sit at home upset as he had asked me and I had said yes. I mnetted, was crotcheting another blanket for our lo and catching up on all the telly I'd videoed this last week. He came back full of the joys of spring.

I have me time at the gym on the days when ds is at nursery and on Sun morn when dh knows he has ds. I am prgt atm and we don't have that much 'us' time but I will be making use of the creche at the gym so dh can just have half an hour together even for a coffee. He also used to be home on a wed night early (7.30 is) so I could go out for a drink with the girls but are prgt so toooo tired to do that now.
We are also going to babysit for a couple in our street so they can have some time together and they are going to do the same for us.

Plan together time, men just don't think about these things.....