Is it normal to be so upset about ex?

[KickingMyself]

7 years ago I was in a short relationship, just 6 months, with a younger (6 year age gap) man.

We broke up because we were in different stages of life and I quickly realised this. I wanted children and he wasn’t ready. He was unemployed at the time too so money issues were heavily on his mind.

I was absolutely gutted though because I genuinely loved him. He reacted by ghosting me and blocking me. Although I was hurt because I had really hoped that we could remain friends, I understand and accepted his decision.

Fast forward 7 years and I’m in a relationship that is on the rocks. Still no dc and I think it might be too late for me now.

Ex on the other hand got married last month. Has a newborn and a gorgeous wife. I know this because a mutual friend is still close to him and posted wedding photos on social media.

The way he looks at his bride made me actually break down and sob my heart out. I hadn’t really thought about him for years but everything came flooding back. The love, the way he looked at me - just like he looks at her now. I’m finding it unbelievably painful and I’m shocked at how devastated I feel.

Is this normal?

It’s probably more about your current relationship.

Don’t give up hope! My cousin went through a series of losers and finally found the love of her life at 42. Their daughter was born when she was 44. They are still deliriously happy 15 years later.

I agree, it's more about what you feel you're missing in your own relationship, than about him. It's what it represents.

Sorry you're feeling this way.

To be fair, you had only known him 6 months so not really sure that is long enough to truly know someone so is more likely to have been puppy love/infatuation than actual love. Plus he wasn't ready then to have kids and you hadn't known eachother long enough to have them together either. Even if you hadn't had the kid talk with him, the chances are you wouldn't have stayed together anyway.

I think this is more just one of those things when you feel everyone else is moving forwards in life and you are a bit stuck. Everyone feels that way sometimes. Maybe you should take this as a que to have a fresh start. If your relationship is stagnant and you aren't happy, change things up.

My aunt was with a man for a long time, no kids and just not happy with him...he was not the nicest. Then she had a health scare and decided it was the kick she needed. She split with him and moved out and became a foster carer for teens, she fostered 12 children over the next twenty years and now many of them have children of their own. She also has a lovely partner. And they throw huge family get togethers.

Sometimes I think sad things happen to remind us to grab life by the balls and change things up - so we can make our own happy endings. Rather than sitting about and letting bad situations continue.

Sorry you’re having a hard time

Sounds like you need to end the relationship you’re in.

It’s okay to feel sad about what’s missing in your life at the moment but try not to focus on your ex. 7 years is plenty of time for him to have changed him mind about having children, people can change a lot in that time. I’m sure good things have happened for you too since you split up and as you say, you haven’t given him much thought until now, you’re just in a bad spot because you’re unhappy with your current partner and that sucks.

Thanks for the replies.

I agree that it’s probably more about the state of my current relationship which is going through a difficult patch although not completely dead yet. They’re actually very similar in many ways - in fact one of the first thoughts I had when I met my current partner was how much he reminded me in personality and character of my ex.

What made the split more painful was that we had actually been friends for years before getting together. He’s had a crush on me which I was oblivious to until he blurted it out one night which led to us getting together. He is a very decent person and was my best friend so it was extremely upsetting when he literally went NC overnight. But I do understand why he felt that he needed to do that for his own sake.

I’m sure we wouldn’t have made it as a couple to be honest. We were at completely different places in life and also had completely different political and religious views which I think wouldn’t have worked. But the love I felt was like nothing I’d experienced before or since, until I met my current partner.

I think, as people have said on this thread, maybe it’s because he’s found his life partner and they have made it to marriage and parenthood whereas my relationship is hanging by a thread. He made his work and I haven’t. So maybe the problem was me.

Sounds more like you just still haven't met the right partner.

Having different life goals/personalities/choices/outlooks from other people doesn't make you a 'problem' it just makes you two incompatible.

Maybe time to get a fresh start again. Let go of the past...and everything that connects you to it that isn't working anymore.

I think my dp is the “right partner” but things have been difficult for a while due to my MH. I am amazed he is still here tbh, I think most would have long left. I’m now in therapy to address my issues and we’re taking things slowly back to a good place.

I think I’m projecting a lot of things onto my ex and his life. His wife is apparently a lovely person and I completely understand why he chose her. She’s certainly not the destructive person I am and I think he had a lucky escape with me.