I feel utterly and totally sexually rejected.
Salient facts:
Dp works away a lot, for varying lengths of time. Sometimes up to 7 weeks, sometimes 2, more usually 3/4, and then he'll be at home anywhere between 3 days and 10. Normally 5/6. When he's home he doesn't work. He has a demanding, stressful job.
I WFH. I have 2 dd (not his). I run the household while he's away (I'm not sure why that's relevant?! Just giving the whole picture).
When he's home we have a good sex life. Sex most days, doesn't get stale. He clearly fancies me, is turned on by me and is usually constantly seeking sexual intimacy!
My problem is that once he goes away, it's like a switch has flicked. He doesn't mention sex/feeling horny/ask me anything about how I'm coping with no sex/. There is no intimate conversation unless I start it, and then I'll get a very basic message of "I watched some porn". He watches a LOT of porn while he's away. He doesn't masturbate without it. He describes it as a tool to make him cum, which I accept. I don't have a problem with porn (he watches amateur stuff so much, much less chance of exploitation). But he will NEVER volunteer any sort of discussion. He also has lots of videos of me which I don't think he watches all that much. Fair enough, I guess the same thing gets boring.
I have explained to him countless times that I NEED the intimacy to be sustained while he's away, but he always has an excuse. It's usually "We haven't spoken for a couple of days, that creates distance for me and I don't want to share stuff."
Or: "We had an argument, that doesn't make me feel close to you." Both of these things are rubbish 9/10. He says that he doesn't feel comfortable discussing sex unless we're emotionally connected. Which for me is all the time! So we don't speak for a day or two - so what?! We barely argue, he's very laidback.
The big thing for me is that he will NEVER seek that sexual interaction with me while he's away. He never tells me he's horny, what he watches, whether he's thinking about me while he masturbates, what I've been doing, doesn't ask for videos, doesn't FaceTime for mutual masturbation, doesn't do phone sex, etc, etc.
I don't want a log of when he's cum or what he watched, I want an open dialogue of sexual needs while he's away. I cannot stress enough how much he NEVER EVER instigates any sort of sexual discussion, never any "Hey baby, I'm so horny, cannot wait to get home and cum, thinking about what we did at X time". Or "I watched this XYZ porn and it turned me on so much."
He is simply not interested in me, or sharing with me, unless he's at home. And he KNOWS how much this bothers me but he never changes. He's not making any sort of effort at all.
This last time I deliberately haven't instigated any sexual conversation, I've just sat back, watched and waited. All other contact is normal. And over 4 weeks he has not raised one, single thing. I feel totally and utterly rejected. He's home in the next couple of days and I honestly don't think I can be intimate with him. God, I'm nearly in tears writing this! How pathetic. This has been going on for over 3 years now and nothing changes. But if I raise it, yet AGAIN, it will be counter-productive. I don't know what to do any more.
There's literally no chance of him cheating. Fuck it, this is massively outing, but it's relevant - he's a Dr on a remote island. He's the only one so the entire population are his patients. He doesn't leave the island at all.
Any advice would be great. Sorry for the epic length!