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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Are we over

4 replies

AquilinaQ · 16/07/2019 09:18

So I’m new here at my wits end and I’m so looking for answers. I have been with partner for 18 years since I was 16. We have two boys 17 and 15. Over the years we have some tough situations but always pulled through ok. I like to think I’m easy going he had always and I mean always has done what he has wanted financially business wise 7 have failed but always admired the persistence. Anyway. He has also been depressed so have I we have struggled but always overcome. Last week on the Tuesday I sensed something was wrong this is very occasional too so I carried on as normal and he seemed fine on the Wednesday spoke fine on the phone I picked him up from train station seemed fine in the car. Then bam nothing I have no idea why but he has not spoken since. I have tried to ask if everything ok are you ok and at 11 o’clock at night just said he doesn’t feel ok but in his language!! So I was wide awake since then. He has not spoken since so I flipped out yesterday and said it was unnecessary to treat me like that I’ve been on sofa since as I just feel like my anxiety through the roof when he like this. He just said he didn’t know why. This is his answer to all the times he like this. We’ve previously been to counselling but that didn’t last long as he basically didn’t like what I was saying. I feel very lonely very angry. I completely understand depression is tough but I can’t be supportive if he doesn’t speak back. I feel so sorry for my sons they don’t know what to do. He has never really been active in their lives always been me with boxing football appointments etc. He has never helped or wanted too. I’m at my wits end feel so low. I’m not in work at moment and I find this really hard. I like to think I’m a happy person and I try to be as supportive as i can but I think this is the end of our relationship now. I basically said yesterday I can’t do this much longer and he said to pack his things if I’m done. What do I do.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 16/07/2019 09:25

Tell him to pack his own bloody things.
Why have you got to do it???
He sounds completely useless.
You won't any worse off without him from what you have said here.
In fact you and your boys will be far happier without the atmosphere he is creating in the house.
Google 'stonewalling abuse'
That is what he is doing. It's a horrible thing to do to someone you are supposed to love.
What does he do around the house?
Does he do his fair share of the housework?

Honestly, really consider your future here.
You are easily young enough to start again and life is waaaayyyy too short to put up with this bullshit.

Move on. Be happy. Be free!
It's time for you now!

AquilinaQ · 16/07/2019 09:41

Thanks so much for replying and so quickly. Yeah he literally does nothing for me or the house. I literally bust my ass off with the house. I’m just sat here thinking wtf!! His family all call him goldenballs too like he can’t do no wrong so I don’t bother saying anything anymore to them.
I’m going to google right now as I’ve never heard of that before. But sounds about right. I literally have no say.
Thanks so much again x

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 16/07/2019 09:44

Seven failed businesses and you haven’t told him to get a job

AquilinaQ · 16/07/2019 10:05

Yes he does work but doesn’t like too if you understand. He always starts something new and this will be it. All our money gone setting them up. One would of been amazing but he gave up. Because it basically now looking back didn’t go his way. I’ve always though and admired that he wanted to have his own business but now I’m like just work clearly not working out. I’m not greedy at all just happy to have what’s needed for my family. I’ve been supportive but I can’t take it much more.

OP posts:
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