First sleepover date and my body hates me!

[NotAProperGrownUp]

Aaargh! So I’m sort of dating a very lovely man - it’s very early days, but we definitely like and are attracted to each other. Seeing each other is difficult as I have children and we both work. We’re meeting Thursday daytime to walk his dog, then have sort of planned a night out and overnight stay at his on Friday. I was nervous but excited until my body went rogue yesterday and is threatening to start my period!! I have a coil that is getting on a bit, so periods are sparse and a bit unpredictable. Should I just be straight with him and cancel the Friday? Nobody wants a first romantic night in with a menstruating woman do they? Or do they?!

It’s entirely up to you and what you feel comfortable with. If you do want to go ahead, I wholly recommend Joy Division soft tampons, which are designed so you can have sex with them in. They’re basically pieces of foam which you insert like a tampon and they sit up under your cervix and are virtually undetectable. Plus four days into your period, won’t the heaviest flow be over?

I’ll reiterate - it’s entirely about your comfort, though. Personally I generally think that any man who has sex with women and is aged over about 21 who is disgusted by the idea of menstrual blood isn’t worth my time anyway.

If you’re that worried you can go to your doctor or a pharmacy and get tablets that delay your period until you stop taking them.

It's not just men who find the idea of sex during a period off-putting. I would be off a man who enjoyed doing the deed whilst I'm on personally. I would hate the idea.

I say as it's early days I say don't cancel just explain and do something else together. Other opportunities will come. I would leave negotiating intimacy during times of the month until you know each other better. First time should be great as opposed to fiddly IFYSWIM?

Besides abstinence will only increase the potential anticipation for both of you later!

I'd use it as an excellent opportunity to ascertain how lovely he really is. If he's okay with it (or just hanging out), that's great! Potential keeper. If he's put right off seeing you at all, just because of this, in the bin for him.

I think you are overthinking.
It’s early days. So - almost all of what you have planned for the date is possible to do even if you have a period.
Unless you are only meeting to consummate - then just relax and go with the flow.
Both of you are adults and he is aware of the nature’s ways.
If sex doesn’t happen on the first sleepover, it then will happen on the second.
🤷🏻‍♀️

Just tell him you have your period but you would love to snuggle and sleep in the same bed.
Just that sex will be off the table.
Nothing wrong with that - surely????

It's not a question of him being disgusted at menstrual blood, it's that the op isn't comfortable with the idea of maybe having her period the first time they sleep together.

Notapropergrownup, if you don't want to sleep with him on this occasion, don't. As you said in your op, the relationship is in its early days and there will be plenty of other opportunities in the future.

Tell him. Then just have a good snog and build the anticipation!

It's no big deal so dont make it one. Just tell him x

Are you only going for the sex? If so cancel. But there's plenty of stuff you can do - even just spending all that time together and falling asleep together and waking up together, that's perfectly lovely. Depends what you want

I would be honest, but drop it in conversation, don't ring him up and say hey I've got my period so do you want to cancel! I'd just say in passing, typical, this has happened then just carry in talking as if its nothing. If he cancels then it shows he's only interested in the action and not you. I would use it as a kind of test!

If it's the start of a relationship I personally wouldn't say anything in advance, I'm sure he still wants to see you even if you don't do the deed? You can mention it in n passing when you see him.

There are plenty of things you can do without going the full way! If you are not comfortable though then don’t put yourself in that position.

@ComtesseDeSpair on your recommendation I've just ordered some soft tampons. Just like OP I have the coil but now am having sporadic and unexpected periods and these should be good for my up and coming holiday

You can do other things that don’t involve that area? Just have fun with your knickers on?

I'd just go but not have sex. Dating isn't all about sex.

This has happened to me more than once. I went on the date and I brought it up when I arrived and just said nature had intervened and that was off the table, it's never been an issue for me at all and the guys were fine about it. 🌈