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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I fancy the pants off him

8 replies

saltandvinegarpeanuts · 16/07/2019 00:55

Awkward.

I’m recently divorced after my husband of 20 years had an affair. I’m still quite nervous about getting into a relationship and it’s not been a priority.

About 18 months ago (shortly after splitting up from ex-DH) I met a colleague who does a similar job to me from another company. We work closely alongside each other every few months and I have enjoyed getting to know him.

The long and the short of it is that I am finding that my feelings for him are growing. At first I assumed he was married, but he never has been, then I assumed he was gay, but he made a comment that suggested he isn’t (which may have been a smokescreen...) so it should be an open goal. Except it isn’t, because if it made a move and he rejected it then I would still have to see him all the time through work. I really don’t want any awkwardness and I am too fragile for a rejection at the moment.

I don’t want to put him in an awkward situation because he’s just so utterly lovely and don’t want to jeopardise our friendship.

He gives off mixed signals. At a conference about 6 months ago he worked hard to move various people from their seats so that we could sit next to each other. Around the same time, I texted him inviting him to lunch and he ignored it. He’s an introvert and quite shy, but has a fairly public job which I know he finds draining and he often needs to retreat to recharge his batteries (as do I). I just can’t read him.

We have a mutual colleague from another company that is close friends with both of us. I’d ask him in a flash for help, but don’t want to put him in a position where he may feel compromised professionally.

I’ve forgotten how this stuff works. Should I just ask him if he fancies a good, hard shag?

OP posts:
raspberryk · 16/07/2019 00:58

This is awkward and unprofessional. Go and find someone to date for real instead of fantasizing about someone who's likely not interested in the slightest.

Onacleardayyoucansee · 16/07/2019 01:02

I say, enjoy the friendship and go on dating sites.

Jennifer2r · 16/07/2019 11:07

No definitely don't ask him for a shag!

Its great that you've got the hots for someone, its a sign you're getting on with your life. Now you need to find someone who is available, keen and not a colleague. There's billions of men out there, one of them will fit that very achieveable list of criteria. Good luck!

Senoritaforever · 16/07/2019 11:09

Why did he not respond to your invitation for lunch?

FilledSoda · 16/07/2019 12:01

Jesus don't ask him that !
Not responding to the lunch invite tells you everything you need to know.
There's a very good reason people avoid relationships at work . Don't risk your career and reputation and don't involve a third party .

HollowTalk · 16/07/2019 12:03

I agree - his non-answer to your lunch invitation tells you everything. I'd look for someone who was more emotionally available.

KurriKawari · 16/07/2019 19:54

There's plenty of people at work that I like as friends and would want to sit next to during a dull conference, but doesn't mean I fancy them. I would have said do something subtle to give him a hint. I think the invite to lunch did that, the fact he ignored it speaks volumes.

ConfCall · 16/07/2019 22:25

He’d have jumped at the chance of a lunch date if he were interested I think. Sorry.

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