How would you feel

[kentparent]

Not being too specific but a good friend of mine is very physical with my partner of ten years: asking him to zip up a dress, rub in sun cream, sit with her on the sofa and partner up for games of badminton at the local sports club etc. She's married but unhappy. My partner says he sees nothing wrong in this but I'm fed up with it. Am I being hyper sensitive or rationale.

It very much depends, if you're there too why does she not ask you?
Does she live with you?
We have a 4some of besties and we are comfortable and trusting enough to be like this with one another and think nothing of it.

She's after your husband.
Stop meeting up with her.

I think you’re right to be questioning her intentions. Did you both go on holiday with her? Just wondering what you were all doing together that lead to her dress being undone. I’m presuming there were other people there like you or her husband that could zip the dress or do the suncream. And the sofa thing is weird. The badminton on its own wouldn’t be a huge issue but combined with everything else, it seems like she’s trying to find an excuse to get him alone. Whether she actually wants to have an affair with him or if it’s just attention seeking because she’s unhappily married who knows but she’s a terrible friend.

Her lack of respect & boundaries would annoy me!

Sounds like attention seeking behaviour, getting what she thinks is flattering male contact / reassuring herself she is sexy - but in a 'safe zone' because she knows he is happily coupled with you so nothing real could happen. I think its surprisingly common!

Do you actually just sit/stand there and watch this happen without saying anything to either of them???

Why is he in a situation with her that involves her putting on a dress?

I would be angry with both of them - her for doing it and him for not shutting her right down.

Thanks for all your responses. Good points

She is behaving inappropriatly, I would not want to carry on being her friend.

He should be nipping it in the bud, instead of pretending it's all fine. It isnt.

They are both wrong and need a good talking to.

Where are you when she’s asking him to rub in suncream? Assuming you are there.

Totally inappropriate behavior by both of them. Why are you tolerating it??

The dress zipping and sunscreen rubbing are too familiar and intimate. Add in the sitting together on the sofa and you have line-crossing.

Your partner knows this is inappropriate. Would he fine with another man rubbing on you and zipping you up?

Be the cool girlfriend/friend at your own peril.

Where are you during their sofa/sports club/lotioning/zipping togetherness?

Things are simmering between them. They are making a fool of you. Take control and blow this out of the water now.

You both need to cut contact with this woman, who is most certainly not your friend.

As for your partner, a devoted man with strong boundaries would have immediately shut her down and kept his distance. He hasn’t. He wants to be close to her and feels entitled to the ego boost.

It sounds like you have expressed discomfort and he minimized the situation. Don’t tolerate that. If he won’t prioritize you, respect your feelings, and cut contact, you need to rethink your relationship. I would have already shown him the door.

I dont think she's a good friend if she's making you feel like this and being so disrespectful towards you. Cut contact and be very straightforward with your husband why you wont be meeting up with her anymore. I can sympathise that she's lonely and needy cause her marriage is crap but there's a line you dont cross and she's crossed it.

She's creating an alternative partnership that deliberately excludes you and involves intimate contact with him and a focus on her (what does she wear for badminton? How tight was the dress and where were you for both dress and sun cream?) She is completely undermining you. She is easy to get rid of, but what worries me is your partner's attitude and willingness to be dominated by her at your expense. Your immediate action needs to be setting a firm boundary with him and then going no contact with her. Her intentions will be exposed in her subsequent actions...and so will his. Be vigilant about his behaviour. He has already gaslighted you. Sorry