How many times a week is it normal to see someone when dating?

[openheart101]

The guy I’m dating wants to see my in the week and wants to stay all weekend! I have things to be getting on with and it’s messing up my routine... is this normal?

Totally depends on the couple; on the length of time they've been seeing each other; on the distance; on the status of other relationships (eg if they are a parent); on the pace they want to go; on the time each of them has available around other things they do - be that work / family / hobbies / volunteering; how they met, to some extent - if you met through a hobby you might still see each other at that time, without it being 'a date' for example.

There is no right or wrong.

All that said, I'd have though it pretty normal to see someone in the week as well as at the weekend when dating.

Well just because he wants to stay all weekend doesn't mean you have to let him.

Make it clear you have plans. Fo you ever stay at his?

I think all weekend is the issue. Then If you break up there is a huge void so it's better to keep time for yourself.

It's totally up to you but if he's not respecting the fact you have other stuff going on then maybe you need a chat to set some rules.

Not sure if I'm normal or not but if I'm seeing someone exclusively and are into each other equally then it seems to fall into one weekday evening and one weekend evening depending on length of relationship.

I think spending the whole weekend together too early on can mean you're a bit detached from "real life" as that's when you'd traditionally see friends and family etc.

So I think it kind of unhealthily intensifies the relationship quite quickly, often too quickly, to very early on spend all weekend every weekend together.

I don’t mind seeing him in the week but yes it’s all weekend thing that’s bothering me. We’ve only been dating a month and it all feels too much especially as at the moment a I have a few personal stresses.

A month! No way. Say no.

You have personal stresses so you need your weekend time

Have you tried saying no yet?

Just tell him. He obviously likes you and is keen. My husband was the same and in the end I just told him the truth.
He totally got it (had no choice) and it then naturally became more and more when we were both at the same place.
It's not very fair moaning but not telling him, give him a break.

Set him clear boundaries now. I generally have a full 24 hours with my DP at the weekend, either Friday OR Saturday nights then we both do our own things from Sunday lunchtime onwards to get set up for the week.

Then I'll see him one evening during the week if he's not working away.

Or this week, he is working away so we're planning on both Fri and Sat nights to make up for it.

Totally depends on what works for you. Certainly keeps the buzz going and I really look forward to spending time with him (while knowing I still have plenty of 'me time' too).

A month!! way too much too soon

You need to tell him that then. Tell him that you have things to do and it isn't convenient this weekend. If he reacts badly, sulks, tries to emotionally blackmail you into seeing him etc etc - then those are big old red flags.

I had this with a bloke I was dating last year and it was because his life was so empty and he was desperate not to be alone. Needless to say it didn't work out between us!

All weekend after a month is way too soon.

My immediate thoughts on this are:

Why doesn't he have his own commitments/things to do at the weekend?

And

It sounds like he wants to know what you are doing all weekend.

After a month, I'd say one evening a week and one day/evening at the weekend.

But then I'm single largely because I've also experienced dating men who have fuck all else going on in their lives and expect to become part of my life almost immediately.

I had this with a bloke I was dating last year and it was because his life was so empty and he was desperate not to be alone. Needless to say it didn't work out between us!

Same here.

I met someone ten days ago. We had six dates last week and then he spent last Friday to Sunday at mine.
It broke us!!
I felt smothered and had to make an excuse on Sunday so he would go. It was too much and put me off.
Slow and steady is my new moto !

@kerkyra blimey! I felt stifled just reading that! are you still seeing him or did you bin? It's weird how some people want so much of your time, but yours takes the prize!

After a month that's too much too soon for me.
I'd expect someone I'm dating to have a life and hobbies outside our dates. If they can drop all weekends then I'd wonder what they had going on, or not.

Just tell him you have plans and make plans to do your own thing.

I have the opposite problem. Due to having children, I only get every other weekend free. I'm managing to squeeze the odd mid-week date in by using babysitters etc but I'm lucky if I see my bloke once every 10 days. I have suggested he can stay 2 nights at mine in a couple of weeks but only because we've hardly seen each other. Its only been about 6 weeks for us.

Generally I'd say once or twice a week at your stage op. I wouldn't want him staying all weekend, especially if your children are there. You've only been going out for a month so not unreasonable to take it easy.

Quite gratifying that he's keen though!

@Rachelover40 there's keen and there's also potential cocklodger!

Very true, QueenOfTheCroneAge, I hadn't thought of that. However I think the op sounds sensible enough to be able to suss out a potential one of those and at the moment, she doesn't want him to stay over a weekend, never mind move in.

QueenOfTheCroneAge I think it's over. I messaged him Sunday eve saying I had a lovely time but felt claustrophobic and can we start dating once a week? Which is a bit odd after having loads of dates last week,but hey ho. He replied it was lovely and was in no rush.
I txt maybe thurs or fri for a quick drink but he hasn't replied. I feel relieved. Never again!