Please help me do this the right way.

[Leapoffaith00]

I am a single parent to 3 dd's and my middle dd has put on a significant amount of weight over the past 3 years. She is 14 5'5 weighing 14 .7 stone. She has always been a fussy eater (eats with her eyes), alot to do with textures. It's a battle, every day. I'm trying to work and juggle washing, cooking, cleaning - you know how it is mums (and dad) juggling life and parenting, especially single parenting with absolutely no support from their dad.
I asked my GP if we could be referred to a dietician as I felt my dd was taking everything personal when I tried to explain we need to be healthy (healthier). At the 2nd appointment it was clear she had gained weight (grown quarter of an inch), not a great deal but it was a gain. The dietician was lovely but not as helpful as I was expecting. I tried to explain that my dd is a secret eater but after the appointment my dd was so angry at me, saying I had embarrassed her. I'm just so completely stuck, not knowing what to do. I just want her to be healthy. It's difficult buying clothes, her legs rub together, I feel so upset. When I bring it up she says all you talk about is my weight. I don't, I explain we do not need the 2nd packet of crisps, or why jave you bought a multi bag of chocolate to yourself. I try and explain it's ok to have treats but in small portions. I jave offered to exercise with her, she gets angry telling me she is too tired. I have stopped buying anything I feel she may over indulge in. She finds anything to replace it, anything.
I just don't want her to think I'm focusing on appearance as it's her health I'm concerned about. We have another appointment at the dieticians but she is refusing to go.
How do I approach this now?

I'm sure she is aware she is very overweight. I'm not sure what her BMI is at that weight, but I'd say obese. I'd tackle itvl that way so she knows this is a health issue.

Do you keep a lot of junk food in the house? Maybe you could all go on a health kick.

Would you consider counselling for her? She may be comfort eating because she is unhappy.

My middle dd is the most confident out of my 3 dd's. She attend an acting class, she is so open and honest, nothing appears to get her down in any way. A couple of times she has come home from school saying a few boys have called her names, I try to explain how some people are mean and to ignore them. I tell her how beautiful she is. I encourage her to do the things she enjoys. She has lovely friends and is doing well at school. The name calling bothers her for a brief 5 minutes and she passes it off saying she doesn't care. I'm glad she doesn't care, I'm glad she is full of confidence. I'm afraid of it getting worse when I'm not around. I don't buy any rubbish snacks, fill up on fruit, crackers, yoghurt, cereals. She is so fussy the dietician has said it's best for her to have cereal when hungry. I honestly do it think it's emotional eating. Maybe boredom (she is at activities 3 days out of 5). Very hungry after school and won't eat anything I cook. Moans at me for not cooking what she likes (pizza, chicken nuggets, chicken burgers) and it's not fair she has to eat cereal when me and her sisters are eating meals.

Some GP practices will refer teenagers via a tier 2 weight loss pathway to something like a weight project or even to ww or slimming world. Depends what is funded in your area.

Ok thankyou - maybe I need to go back to my GP and ask.

For example in Leeds:
www.leedscommunityhealthcare.nhs.uk/our-services-a-z/watch-it-family-weight-management-2/watch-it-programmes/

In Camden, London

gps.camdenccg.nhs.uk/service/child-weight-management

There's loads of healthier snack options but if she's very fussy and just wanting tasty stuff I'd try chocolate coated rice cakes or choc coated corn cakes. They are at least better than a chocolate bar or biscuits. Until she's ready to change there's may be not alot you can do apart from keep healthy options in the house. Apple slices with peanut butter dip for a snack for example, are her meals filling? Good fats such as avocado help fill us up. I expect she may be comfort eating though. Try not to show her you are upset. I think a practical positive approach is best. What about joining an exercise class together? One class might not make much difference but it might make her realise she'd like to lose weight and get healthier. Join the gym together? Walk more as a family?

Honestly, I think you're on a hiding to nothing if she doesn't see a problem or want to do it.

The more you try to force healthy snacks on her, the more she'll dig her heels in and refuse them.

If she has access to money, she'll buy food and eat it secretly.

You can't force her to exercise.

There's loads of help out there if she wanted it - you are already seeing an NHS dietician, but Slimming World is free for children under (I think) 16, and subsidised gym membership at many leisure centres.

But if she won't do it, she won't do it, and she isn't a toddler you can control any more.

I suspect she's unhappier about it than you think, that the unkind comments from other people do actually hurt her, so just be there non-judgementally.

Help her find nice clothes, tell her she's beautiful, cook healthy meals, buy the healthy snacks, suggest active things to do on weekends. Just take the pressure off. Let her know you're worried about her health but won't be nagging any more, that you'll help her when she's ready.