What do I do - trigger warning

[Velvetcrush]

Firstly I apologise if this post seems jumbled, it just reflects my current mind.

To summarise, a man I have been seeing forced me to have sex with him after I said no. There is a long back story of our ‘relationship’ but it isn’t relevant to this situation, but it means we are very likely to cross paths again. He showed a lot of warning signs which is why I didn’t want to sleep with him anymore.

In the end I stopped putting up a fight (to the sex) he didn’t use a condom. I have blocked out the event for the most part, although I am back on anti- anxiety medication which I haven’t had to take for around five years.

Two weeks after the incident I had a sexual health screening.

He has given me two different STI’s. Both bacterial and easily treated with antibiotics. I’m glad I have now been treated but I have found this all really, really distressing. Blood tests for more serious STI’s came back clear, but the person working there advised I get retested in a few weeks as some can take a month to show up in tests. They said it was very unlikely but it’s just another source of stress, knowing I have to be retested and can’t put this to rest yet.

They asked a lot of background when I went to be treated. I glossed over the details as I couldn’t tell them he had forced the sex. I haven’t told anyone (except this post) and I don’t feel able to. They also strongly implied that I had an obligation to inform whoever I had slept with about the infection (only him, I haven’t had sex with anyone else in a long time, so 0 chance I have passed it on).

A huge source of anxiety now is that I feel like I have a (moral?) obligation to contact him, and tell him he has given me two infections. I know his reaction will be horrific and directed towards me, which scares me.

I don’t want to have any direct contact with him again. I want to forget this all now. I don’t know what to do.

That advice very much comes under 'in normal circumstances' OP and that certainly doesn't apply here. The clinic wouldn't have given that advice had they known what happened so please ignore it completely, looking after yourself is all you need to worry about.

I'm not going to be hypocritical and try to push you to tell someone, I didn't for a long time but I can tell you that it helps when you do. I buried it for years and it didn't actually start to get better til I spoke about it, rape crisis are a good starting point if there's no one you trust in real life. You have support here too if it helps, anytime

They wouldn't expect you to contact him if they knew the circumstances- please don't worry. You don't have to make contact

You don't have to do anything.

You don't owe anyone anything, least of all him.

As above, Rape Crisis are very good if and when you feel ready to talk about it.

It's normal to advise partner notification as a result of a positive sexual health screen (I work in sexual health). But it absolutely would not be advised in these circumstances and if you had talked to the nurse/doctor about what had happened (it's also perfectly fine that you didn't), they would have approached things differently.

Partner notification is there to help unsuspecting partners to get themselves checked out and it's an altruistic thing to do, but fundamentally, it is his responsibility to sort himself out (even if what happened had been fully consensual). But you need to keep yourself safe. Do not engage. He likely wouldn't believe you anyway and wouldn't necessarily follow up to get checked.

I hope that puts your mind at ease that you are doing the right thing. If you do feel like you can talk to someone at the clinic, do. They can direct you to resources that you may find helpful.

I am so sorry to hear that you have gone through this awful experience, please tell a friend or get in touch with someone from Rape Crisis to help you process what you have been through. No one should have to carry the burden of this alone. x