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Original poster

Absolutely raging at my ex

19 replies

MichelleC69 · 15/07/2019 11:22

My DD16 has gone to Florida on holiday with her dad today. They almost didn't get there as he turned up at the airport with no US Visa for her. I swear to God he is the most disorganised and generally crap person on the planet and he will be swearing blind that this isn't his fault and how could he be expected to remember that he needed to get her a Visa. I spoke to her earlier and she was so upset, they were basically all being held back from checking in while he applied for the visa online and then wait for it to come through. They're going with his new(ish) girlfriend and her family and she is apparently raging at him as well. He is properly crap at arranging things to the point where she doesn't want to spend time with him any more as he drives her nuts. I just feel for her as he has ruined the start of her holiday.

Anyway the visa ended up coming through and they made the flight (just). I feel like texting him to have a go but there's just no point as he won't take any criticism whatsoever. Does anyone else have a completely useless ex who is damaging the relationship with their child?

OP posts:
TeaForTheWin · 15/07/2019 11:27

Auch take comfort in the fact that he'll be getting an earful from everyone else the whole holiday. And they'll never let him live it down xD

If he doesn't take criticism then the only person you will be winding up is yourself. Plus he'll probably tell everyone you are a nagging ex wife who never leaves him in peace seen as they are all about. Best let them be for the holiday.

Crustaceans · 15/07/2019 11:28

I assume you mean an ESTA rather than a visa. Regardless, I think it would be best if you just stepped back and left them all to it. I know it’s hard because you are totally aware that it upsets your DD. But you getting angry will achieve nothing and just make you feel crap.

Your DD is 16 so she’ll totally recognise that her dad is being lazy and useless. It will be his fault if he damages her relationship with him. No one else can help him with that. Hopefully, your DD can get on with enjoying her holiday now.

Incidentally, I almost want to congratulate the GF for not having taken on the wifework and leaving him to do (or not) his own life admin.

Sunfull · 15/07/2019 11:30

To be honest I'd be thrilled if my ex took our child anywhere.

Yes, he fucked up, and that is annoying. But he is taking her on holiday to America. Maybe look at the bigger picture here. Yes, there has been stress and it is really irritating he is rubbish at organising - but on the other hand, he's got it sorted, they are having their holiday - it's all worked out. So doesn't seem that useless to me.

I get you re annoyed but honestly, I would try and put this incident in context. I certainly wouldn't text him to have a go.

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 15/07/2019 11:31

You're right, I wouldn't achieve anything if I had a go at him. I just hope she's giving him hell on the flight!

And yes I'm so glad that the GF doesn't wipe his backside for him like he expects all women to do....despite her going on hols with my daughter I've never met the woman but she sounds far too good for him!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/07/2019 11:32

I understand why you're annoyed but agree with @Teaforthewin that everyone else will be hacked off with him. You texting him as well just sounds like cheap point scoring, to be honest, and you won't gain anything from it.

Rise above it.

Frith2013 · 15/07/2019 11:33

I hope this doesn’t sound uncaring, but it really doesn’t matter. They got there, it’ll all be fine and it’s up to him to organise everything.

Texting to have a go at him would achieve nothing at all.

NoBaggyPants · 15/07/2019 11:34

Visa waiver/ ESTA. Sounds like you didn't know about it either.

I wouldn't get worked up about it. Hope they have a great trip.

Frith2013 · 15/07/2019 11:34

I wouldn’t call that admin error “damaging the relationship with his child”. My ex hasn’t seen his children for stretches of 12-18 months and not at all for the last 2 years. I can’t imagine him even thinking of taking them on a holiday.

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 15/07/2019 11:35

I wasn't really going to text him. Have fallen foul of that in the past and learnt that it gets me nowhere and that he will never change. And yes she is very lucky that he is taking her on holiday, I don't doubt that. I just want him to not be so crap with everything (this extends to all areas of his life - he can't turn up on time anywhere if his life depended on it, for example). I'm sure there are worse ex husbands on the planet but it doesn't stop me from getting extremely irritated with him.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/07/2019 11:38

Let it go OP. PP are right, he'll be getting enough earache.

Just don't be tempted to check if there's a next time. He'll never learn otherwise.

NoBaggyPants · 15/07/2019 11:38

This is more about your relationship with him isn't it?

They'll be laughing about the visa waiver by now.

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 15/07/2019 11:39

Visa waiver/ ESTA. Sounds like you didn't know about it either.

I didn't need to know about it as I'm not going to America.....or are you suggesting that I should be organising his holidays for him?! Wink

OP posts:
Severnlurveheart · 15/07/2019 11:42

If your DD is 16 he's unlikely to change now. Your DD will be in no doubt that her dad is useless when it comes to certain things.

Yellowweatherwarning · 15/07/2019 11:48

For about 5 summers running my exh left folded clothes in his room and told the dc he was packing for their holiday.
They never went anywhere.. The first year we split he took them abroad using my car and my money. Never took them again.
Anywhere.
Not even a day out.
They are nc with him now as teens.

Draw breath op and enjoy the peace!

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 15/07/2019 12:22

@yellowweatherwarning what a dick and how awful for your kids. Why did we ever marry these idiots?! Would love to enjoy the peace but we still have the two stepkids so not completely child free!

OP posts:
Yellowweatherwarning · 15/07/2019 13:20

Ime dc wise up in time..
My dc haven't seen him for 3 years except at 2 funerals.
He pays nothing.
Sends dc the odd tenner via bank but that's all.
Just glad he is out of our lives.
That's priceless.
Be patient op!!

Windmillwhirl · 15/07/2019 13:25

Gosh, he forgot. Shoot him now!!! I almost did the same years ago. It's not like he deliberately set out to ruin anything.

Ok, so he is disorganised. Big swinging Mickey. There's far worse things he coulf be. Poor chap, I actually feel sorry for him.

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 15/07/2019 15:37

I doubt the rest of his party feel the same to be honest and I know my daughter was upset which is my key concern. His general crapness at life is inexcusable for a man of 50+

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 15/07/2019 15:42

Of course she was upset, but it wasn't done on purpose. She is in Florida and will no doubt have a great time.

No point sitting at home seething while they are having a fun time.

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