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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When is the right time to end? Is there a right time?

46 replies

Headinhands2019 · 15/07/2019 09:43

Hi all,

I have been in a relationship for just coming up to 9 years. We have three beautiful children and on paper it's the perfect family. We have had rocky times in the past however this year has been tough. We decided recently to give it one last go however it seems to be slipping back to normal.

I just don't think it'll get any better. I have loads of reasons not to leave at the moment although they might seem to be excuses. Summer holidays coming up, then kids starting new year. I can't help but feel guilty.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 26/07/2019 21:52

Is there such a thing as sleeping together for the last time?

OP posts:
Needsomebottle · 26/07/2019 22:36

🤦🏻‍♀️
I don't even want to know what you mean by that. Are you hoping to encourage her for one last shag? Because no, totally inappropriate. If she's said it's over respect that and do not even consider approaching that with her. I assure you to even suggest it will massively offend her and only confirm to her that she is absolutely doing the right thing. She doesn't want to be with you. Why would she want to have sex with you? It's the most intimate thing you can do with someone, she doesn't want a relationship with you, I can't imagine she would therefore want to let you inside her body. Don't even consider asking her. If she puts it out there I'd also strongly advise you retain some dignity, show some respect and politely decline.

Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 26/07/2019 22:54

She's been playing games in bed tonight. Gentle taps on the head, messing around, asking her are you going to sleep now? She replies maybe. Leading me on. We cuddled, I got hard and then she says I'm going to sleep.
So fucking frustrating.

OP posts:
KOKOtiltomorrow · 26/07/2019 23:31

Oh dear OP .... you are going to get flamed now!

Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 26/07/2019 23:39

Explain

OP posts:
DarkestBeforeTheDawn4 · 27/07/2019 01:44

Needs and SchoolGate I feel the same. I wish he'd meet someone else. He won't work on things but he doesn't want to separate either, he just wants things to go back to how they were and thinks its all on me and my messed up thinking. He won't make any meaningful changes, but sucks me back in with promises and making me feel guilty and to blame for it all. Anytime he's a little late from work I hope he's met someone so he'll want to end things.

Sadiesnakes · 27/07/2019 01:55

🙄

Sadiesnakes · 27/07/2019 02:00

It seems your main concern is that she doesn't move on with another man and getting one last shag out of her.

I fucking despair. That is all.

Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 27/07/2019 06:10

Those are not my main concerns at all. Blowing this family apart is my main concern.

People on here always seem to side with the female in the relationship, no matter what the background.

It was cruel to lead me on yesterday.

OP posts:
Sadiesnakes · 27/07/2019 06:36

People on here always seem to side with the female in the relationship, no matter what the background.

🤔 Funny that..

Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 27/07/2019 06:44

So this place is the wrong place for advice?

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 27/07/2019 06:58

Its not the wrong place for advice. She is not likely to want to have sex for all times sake. She will be devastated thats come to the end just like you are. Dont think she led you on you may have misread the signals. Put it out of your mind.

I’d focus on having a good amicable relationship for sake of your DCs and think about when you will see them and how you will manage day to day. The DCs need to know and feel this is nothing to do with them and its not their fault. They will be fine with 2 homes in future and may find that exciting.

Lozzerbmc · 27/07/2019 06:59

You will have to accept that she will meet someone else one day but then so will you.

Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 27/07/2019 07:01

I need to try and remove the emotions.

I plan to tell the children today and then start moving out this weekend. Going back to parents isn't great but it's my only option at the moment.

OP posts:
DarkestBeforeTheDawn4 · 27/07/2019 07:02

I think the posters were supportive till you started to talk about having a last go of sleeping together. Might be worth making a new thread if you want advice on how to tell the kids and how to handle moving out and the practical side if the split.

Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 27/07/2019 07:02

I totally understand about meeting other people. I don't own her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 28/07/2019 00:30

So, we had sex an hour ago. She was doing all the usual things to get my attention and then it happen. She said after its birthday sex, then she said it shouldn't of happened because it will mess my head.
I told her I'm under no false hope. This is my last night here then off to parents from tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 28/07/2019 08:39

We've decided that I stay over the school holidays.

OP posts:
Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 28/07/2019 15:26

I have problem. I really want to make this work. Is there anyway to rekindle? Give her space for a bit?

OP posts:
Original poster
Headinhands2019 · 28/07/2019 18:02

Anyone have advice?

OP posts:
Miniloso · 28/07/2019 19:12

You’ve been given advice. I don’t think there are any more answers to be honest. You can’t predict what will now happen. You have to let her go and if it’s meant to be it will be.

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