So, I’ve been married before and cheated on and bla bla bla. I decided that I would rather be on my own than with someone I didn’t trust. I was on my own for nearly 4yrs and would have continued that way, but I met someone that took the rug out from under me. He made me feel so secure (something I have never felt), and so loved. It never entered my head that he would even think about betraying me. Silly me.
Another thing I promised myself is that I wouldn’t have a child unless I totally trusted the Dad. So.... I now have a 10mth old daughter. When she was 2mths old, her Dad had to go overseas for work and we were shortly behind him, just had to get the passports sorted. It was about 6wks all up. When I arrived I was so happy, I had my family back together! But he was acting weird and my gut was screaming at me about a night a few wks earlier when his behaviour on the phone was unusual. I grabbed his phone and had a flick through it. There were text messages from girls he had met out, one of them telling her he misses her beautiful kisses and the other trying to set up a booty call, all while laughing at her suggestion he was married (she had Facebook stalked him and saw me). After a huge blow up, he says he has told me everything and that he didn’t sleep with anyone, even though he did have the intention to. He says he has made a huge mistake and let his ego get the better of him when he was out getting attention, as I had been out of action previously due to having a baby. He swears it will never happen again, and that it was only those two girls, but there’s another number in his phone, clearly from a bar because it has the name of the bar in the contact. I messaged her and she said she doesn’t even remember him and that she would if something happened, but that she gives her number out quite easily when she’s drunk. But he still hasn’t told me about her.
Anyway.. I know what advice I would be giving a friend of mine, I just want a sounding board and I have no one :( I love him, but I know I’m never going to trust him again. I also know that I 100% would not still be here if I didn’t have our daughter. I simply don’t have the funds to move back home and I sold my car for really cheap before we left, so I’d need a decent car as well. I’m so frustrated and sad. He is such an amazing Dad, and he really has put an effort in with me. I just don’t see myself trusting him again. I told him in the beginning this was not the kind of relationship I wanted.
It also bothers me that in the beginning of our relationship, he started a huge fight with me because I thought a celebrity was attractive (wtf)... and now he screen shots parts in porn videos so he can come back to later. It’s like he holds me to a standard he cannot keep to himself. I never had a problem with him watching porn, but now it makes me angry because I know what he does when I’m not around 
I’m so sad.
Sorry for the long post.