If you had an angry/short tempered parent, does it affect your relationships?

[StVincent]

Something that only recently occurred to me - now I keep wondering how growing up with someone who’s liable to “kick off”
unexpectedly affects your adult relationships? I find myself really oversensitive to other people’s moods/emotions for example and wondered if it could be related? Anyone else had experience of this or other things?

Yes very much so. My father was extremely short tempered, very fiery, a shouter and quite unpredictable. I am extremely sensitive to other people's emotions and hyper vigilant to conflict and confrontation. Friends have to tell me on a number of occasions to stop apologising in anticipation, and I've had to learn that anger is not always my fault or something I can remedy. I remember years ago I tried doing some DIY and it went pretty wrong and I ended up making a massive hole in the wall. It was something that if my mum had done that, my dad would have gone absolutely bats**t over. By the time DH got home I'd worked myself up into a right state and he was completely flummoxed. Found the hole quite hilarious and was so kind and understanding about me being in so worked up. I think it's probably quite exhausting for both of us but I am getting better.

My DF isn't an angry man but when I was a DC he sometimes exploded in a fury.. He would say really hurtful things.

It's affected me in that I'm very careful what I say when I'm angry. And I don't generally get involved with men who enjoy high drama

Well it affected my relationship with that parent, but it doesn't affect my relationships with other people.

Yes. It often affects us negatively.

It took me years and years of therapy, medication, and space from my parents to undo some of the damage.

But even now, I still cannot cope with people losing their temper near me, never mind to me.

I spent so much of my life apologising, and often for nothing at all.

Yes, definitely. My mother was always on a hair-trigger, and you could get into trouble for no reason . All my life I've been hyper-aware of atmosphere, and always ready to jump into damage control , even though I have had nothing to do with the problem. I've always avoided any kind of confrontation or argument - often doing myself a disservice since I tend to be apologising for things which have nothing to do with me. My mother's influence still hovers over me, long after she has been dead.

Yes it has had an impact. For a short period of time, I found myself reliving history, I was under enormous pressure at work and not coping, with my own child. The day I realised that, I realised I needed some help.