Sexless marriage

[ChiefOfStaph]

I’m in a sexless marriage. I’ve tried to tell myself that this is it now. This is how it’s going to have to be and I’ll have to just accept it. I enjoy sex and love the intimacy that it brings but I refuse to have to resort to begging my husband to have sex with me.

I’ve brought it up in the past but he says it is because he’s tired and then blames it on his age (he’s only 47!). Our age gap has never been a problem before but he makes me feel like I’m a sex obsessed teenager when he points out that I’m 15 years younger (I’m 32) so our sex drives will be completely different because of this.

I love my husband and we have a good marriage in all other aspects but this. He says that he still finds me attractive but I’m starting to feel less and less desirable. It has really knocked my self confidence. I’ve even tried jumping into bed naked but he just turns over and goes to sleep! Leaving me humiliated and feeling worthless.

Is sex really important to make a marriage work? Can it survive without it? Has anyone been in this situation and been able to come to a compromise that suits you both or managed to bring the sexy back?

If your advice to someone in a domestic violence or controlling situation is to leave, then it should be the same advice you give in this situation

I agree. I did say that she could leave. That's what I would do.

But I wouldn't insist that sex is a RIGHT in a marriage. Whether it's a man asking or a woman.

lets be clear he does not owe you sex you can say no for any or no reason

*Yes! It is used by the abuser as a form of gaslighting, making the person appear unreasonable, demanding or sex obsessed, instead of having the natural right to expect sex as part of a relationship that was present at the beginning.8 there is no such things as a natural right to expect sex

No because people get married expecting to be sexless or asexual Total nonsense. If you are married and unilaterally withdraw sex and refuse to seek help and just sit back and watch your partner fade away, then you are choosing to be single. The marriage is null and void in all but name.

If you are married and unilaterally withdraw sex and refuse to seek help and just sit back and watch your partner fade away, then you are choosing to be single. The marriage is null and void in all but name.

Even so, it does not give you a right to sex. It gives you a right to walk away, which you had anyway. Why is that hard to understand?

The issue is that these types almost never accept the walking away. They gaslight and manipulate and accuse the partner of being over sexed and generally attempt to coerce the partner into remaining in a sexless relationship against that partner's will.

There often isn't real "choice" within these situations, because it is coerced and manipulated choice. Saying no to any more sex, ever. Fine. Saying no to any more sex, ever, and also attempting to keep partner in relstionship with them. NOT fine.

Well said PicsInRed couldn't agree more.

I did 15 years in a truly sexless marriage (no sex at all, ever). I stayed because he was so lovely in every other way.

It broke me.

I left.

IrisAtwood - A very common place to be, emotionally speaking. Almost a kind of Stockholm Syndrome.

There is a saying “Too good to leave to bad to stay” which says it all. Ultimately a person is put into an unenviable position: a painful ending or endless pain - not exactly the outcome you were expecting when tossing your bouquet.

Saying no to any more sex, ever. Fine. Saying no to any more sex, ever, and also attempting to keep partner in relstionship with them. NOT fine.

Yes I agree with this. I think OP needs to understand that it's very likely that nothing will change because this is his natural state. So she has to understand that it's either accept it or move on. There is no compromise when one person wants sex and the other doesn't.

OP life is too long for this. YOu have so many years of wanting to have sex ahead of you - possibly your whole life.

IS he suggesting the two of you are just friends now? A relationship without sex at all is a friendship. That is not what a romantic partnership is.

You won't last with him - also he is trying to make you feel like it's not 'him' - by saying it's the age thing when it isn't .

@waterrat he has a GP appointment tomorrow because after we talked he said that he didn't feel that his libido level was normal for him. He wants to get our sex life back on track too. He doesn't want to carry on like this either. I think he felt embarrassed to admit there was a problem when making excuses about his age. Hopefully things will change but I know I would have to leave if it didn't.

It will only get worse for you as time goes on

Don’t question yourself and what you want

47 is no age for him

Have you ruled out Depression and/or Performance issues?

He could be hiding this from you.

You will end up leaving, sooner or later, IMO.

W & I had a sexless marriage several attempts to fix things failef. The persistent rejection played havok with my MH.

She simply didn't want sex or any form of intimacy, we are now separated I'm seeing someone and I'm kicking myself for letting it go on for so long.