Have I cheated?

[simplyredandwhite]

I've been dating a guy since beginning of may.
We have been sleeping together.
We text each other every day and I really like him.
I think the feeling is mutual.
Friday night I went out and got drunk and slept with a guy I met in a pub.
I feel guilty.
Me and the guy I'm dating have been talking as usual and he obviously has no idea.
Have I done anything wrong?
We aren't together so technically I haven't but I just feel bad.

I suppose the question is how would you feel if he had done the same? Are you exclusive or is it just casual? Only you know where you are in your relationship and I'm sure you know whether this guy would accept this or whether the relationship is more casual.

We can't tell you.

Have you told him?

We haven't spoken about what we are.
Last week he told me someone tried it on with him and normally he would just go with it but he never because of me.

Have you had a chat about what you are to each other? I have been seeing someone for a while, for a bit we were both sleeping with other people, we then agreed not to to see what happened. If anyone us got with someone else after the agreement then it would be a case of cheating.

I’m wondering more why you did it if you really like him? As surely if you liked him you wouldn’t even if you were drunk? What would stop you doing it when drunk if you were official? I’m not trying to be nasty, it’s more that I’ve done similar and realised that it wasn’t quite right with the person I was seeing to then do that.

If I was seeing someone for a couple of months and he told me he slept with someone else, that would be it for me.
If you want to wait for 'the chat' then fine, but personally, as an adult, if I'm sleeping with and dating one person, then that's it for me. Especially as he told you he didn't the weekend before (although slightly childish to bring that up, he may have been doing it as needed 'the chat')

If I was on the receiving end of what you did, I'd be leaving that red flag behind!

Sounds like you have. I'd have been really hurt if DH did that in the early days

To be honest OP I don't think there is any point feeling too guilty - because it's done now . We all make mistakes when drunk - and you are in a fairly casual relationship so the boundaries were unclear.

Please don't tell him! It would hurt him and ruin your relationship.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and take the opportunity to tell him you would like to be more committed.

Last week he told me someone tried it on with him and normally he would just go with it but he never because of me.

What did you say? That sounds a lot like someone telling you they are exclusive to me... I suspect he'd be gutted if he knew you'd slept with someone else, but I also think it's a crap foundation to a new relationship to have a big secret like this, so I'd be honest and use it to have an exclusivity conversation. But this is your call, you have to do what you can live with. Would you want to know if he'd done this?

How would you feel if he'd slept with someone else on Friday night?

I think I’d have been annoyed if my DH had done this. Especially with him saying he liked you so turned someone down. I’d come clean to him now and let his make up his own mind.

His comment about the woman who was interested in him implies that he sees you two as exclusive. What was your reply to it?

Yes you've cheated. He told you you're exclusive.

This would be the end for me given his comment. I would consider it cheating.

I think ethically most people would say it's ok because you're not in a defined relationship and is not yet exclusive. I wouldn't advise you to bring it up in conversation though.

Yes

I think you have

You’re not exclusive you can do what (and who) you want! Although this may be a good time decide if you want to be exclusive with him and if you do forgive yourself and start afresh.

As you’ve not had ‘the talk’ it’s not cheating IMO. However, if you did that to me after a couple of months and getting on well etc I wouldn’t be happy and I’d end it.

Would I tell him? Noooo way!

Keep it under your hat.

Cheating imo