New partner

[user1498048847]

I am a 21 year old mum with an 18 month old who's recently (8 months ago) got into a relationship with my partner whom I met through work who has no kids (he's 23).
We get on so good and honestly I'm the happiest with him. Even though we come from different backgrounds he see's the potential in me to do better for myself.

He didn't meet my child till about 5 months into the relationship and now sometimes he stays over with us. However him and my child find it really hard to bond. My child is so mard around him and my partner has said he finds it hard to like him which is horrible for me to hear.
I by in no means expect him to play father role and have told him this.

We had a chat last night if it was going to work. He says he wants to be able to travel with me and do things but can't see himself going on holiday with my child for a good few years realistically. And can't fully commit to me because he's unsure about my child but doesn't want to not be with me because he really likes me.

My child is literally so mard even with me. Very clingy and I'm not sure how I can get him to be a lot more calmer because sometimes the winging is unbearable for me!

I don't really know how to go about it or if someone else has been in the position before and it's worked out?

Let the boyfriend go. If this is the way he sees your child, it will not get easier.

I agree with above poster. If hes unsure about your son now, it's unlikely he will suddenly come around, especially if he has plans of travelling in the future.

He's 23 and doesn't want to have a kid or be a stepdad or really be around kids much. That's fairly reasonable at that age. He is pretty immature to not realise it was never gonna work dating a woman with a baby, but he probably hasn't been in this situation before.

But I guarantee his long term plans don't include your child.

Meanwhile your 18 month old sounds entirely normal. They do start becoming whingy at that age, and sorry but it continues for a good old while yet. Ever hear of the terrible twos? Well it starts earlier than 2! And then there's the threenager phase and 4 is stroppy enough.

I think you should make it crystal clear to this new guy that your child is your priority and if he can't accept the package you both come as then unfortunately you can't have a future together. Being a parent means you put yourself last and sacrifice alot and if he really likes you he needs to know that the sacrifice as a couple is shared and he will always come 2nd to your son. good luck though op I hope it works out x

I assunme you mean mardy?

What exapt steps have you taken to find out why your child is "mardy"?

Speaking as someone who is young and has a DP with a 3 year old, ( 2 when i met her ) i found it incredibly difficult at first to get on with her, children can be funny around new people, especially when that person is now with their parents when it had been just the 2 of them before... me and her get on brilliantly now 10 months on, i still find it difficult somedays but i think thats around me being insecure whether or not i'm doing the right things as i don't have any children of my own ( yet, currently pregnant) but i never once said to my partner i couldnt see us doing things without her. When we got together i knew full well what it entailed, made sure she never felt left out and i always try my hardest! He doesn't really sound like he's trying to be honest and that is just not something you need... i'd probably be questioning that relationship if i was you! It was clear with my DP from the beginning they both came as a package and i fully accepted that

He wants you but not your dc. So he needs to go.

I'm surprised you even feel the need to post this.
Of course you need to get rid of him. and I'm not talking about your son

So what does he expect you to do? Send him to an orphanage?
You come as a package and there's nothing you can do about that.
You say your DS is mardy - perhaps he's not getting enough love and attention from you. DC's aren't stupid, they just can't articulate how they feel.

I am older than you. But in a similar position.

8 year old, split from his dad and have a DP.

I was always absolutely clear to DP. Ds comes first. If I go on holiday, ds comes. Ds isnt an accessory to put in a box when it's not convenient. Dp had the choice (his son is an adult) if you want someone who can be child free whenever you fancy being childfree, he could move on to someone else. Ds is my family. He comes on holiday, when we have days out. If ds happens to be at his dads, that's when me and dp get alone time.

Dp did not want to be ds dad. Neither did I. And he isnt. He doesnt treat him with respect and cares about him. He totally accepts that he couldnt have me and push ds out, as and when he wanted to.

You shoudlnt even be considering staying with this man who is telling you he wishes you were childless.