Dating someone who makes little effort?

[SlinkyDogDash]

I try to take a balanced approach to dating and I know that when people have kids and and ex spouse, maintenance to pay etc life can be busy and dating isn't the top priority - I am also in this category!

However, the last few men I've dated for several months have made very little romantic effort. It seems like we chat on Bumble, then meet a few times for a drink, then start meeting at our homes once a week, having sex and essentially become like a long term couple.

I tend to end these 'relationships' as I get bored. I'd like to go out for the day, go for dinner, plan a weekend away etc. Am I being unrealistic?

The current man I'm dating we just alternate whose house we meet at each week, chat for a couple of hours and have sex. It's a bit like FWB, so I'm tempted to move on. Does anyone have any strategies for revitalising this type of relationship/man?

Why don't you suggest some things to do like picnic, cinema, theatre, walk, local fair, seaside, museum, concert. Have a look at things to do in your local area or further afield

I love a days out !

Stop meeting for drinks and at your home.
Dinner, dates, activities, walks, talking sober.

You're wasting your time with lazy men looking for a lazy shag.

You're wasting your time with lazy men looking for a lazy shag

Totally agree. I've found a lot of men can't be arsed once they think they've settled in. TV, shag, job done after a few initial dates to reel you in. Bin this one and don't put up with it from the next one. Make it clear you want someone for proper dates out, not endless Netflix 'n' chill.

Do you ask them if they'd like to go and do a day out, nice meal out etc? Start putting it to them.

I’ve found exactly the same. Men don’t seem to want to go out for the day (either working, kids, sport etc) and don’t want to go for meals out regularly. Things very quickly turn to the lazy option of going round to their house or yours if they get their way. And don’t get me started on those who have literally one evening a week available but assume you will message non stop / swap pics / stay exclusive.

Haha this is so true:

you're wasting your time with lazy men looking for a lazy shag I will definitely keep moving on whenever it becomes clear that they are like this.

@allthetimeintheworldapparently I'm glad but also disappointed to find I'm not the only one this happens to. Seems these guys want the perks of a girlfriend - chats, intimacy, sex, but without having to make much effort. My FWB makes more effort than these guys who allegedly want relationships 🙄

Change your dating profile to one that says you want to go out & about doing things. Make it clear at the start

I think this is very common. I know lots of men who don’t like going out, even with mates. I thought it was me as I have always attracted the unmotivated type.