I'm being slowly ghosted by my best friend, help me turn it around..

[SheffieldTablet]

I hate this & I don't want to lose my best friend. I know what's at the crux of it, we were both in severely co-dependent/subtly abusive marriages & after wading through fire & brimstone, I managed to get out. She's still in hers. She's watched me go through the freedom program & watched my divorce - it was hell on earth. Now though, I'm on the other side with a quiet happy life & I can do anything I want. It's taken a massive adjustment for me. Many times she's asked me questions about how I managed the change & how I tried to get through to my dh & if the same thing would work with hers? The last time we were together, she questioned me more about the relationship therapy I had & if it would work for her? I was enthusiastic & said yes it would help. Then I got the feeling I'd gone too far & that she'd shut off & she left. I know how hard it is. It took me a year & lots of advice on here, to gather the balls to leave my marriage.
I'm pretty sure she's avoiding me because we're not in the same boat anymore & she knows I can see the situation she's in. I'm gutted. I really want her back as a friend & I wish I'd kept my mouth shut. She always has an excuse why not to meet for coffee anymore & we used to meet all the time. It got embarrassing being rejected so I stopped asking. Is there anything I can do?

Just be there for her when she needs it.
I suspect her OH is making it difficult for her to be with you as you are a "bad influence".

Just keep asking her & sending her little texts about nothing in particular. Keep the communication channel open.

Well done on turning your life round. Just keep saying it was hard but worth it and leave it at that.

Bumping for the afternoon crowd...

There might not be anything you can do, sorry OP. I lost my best friend in January after he suddenly stopped speaking to me and I still have no idea why. I still cry about it most weeks, still feel incredibly sad and I miss him very much. It's utterly shit but if the other person doesn't want to know, for whatever reason, there's not a lot you can do.
It's shit that you getting happier and getting on with your life was the trigger for the loss of the friendship but maybe she'll eventually come back in when she's ready. Leave the door open and be kind, it's all you can do.
But have my complete sympathy because I know how much it hurts.

That sounds very sad and I’m not sure if you can turn it around.
I’d send her a message to say that despite the changes in your life, you still value her friendship and are always here for her then leave her to take the next step.
She may want to withdraw from you in which case whatever you do may not make a difference. Let her go at her pace.

She sees your new life, wants the same, but is too scared to take the step. Each time she sees you, it reminds her of what she could have, but doesn't. It reminds her that she's too scared and thus makes her feel shit about herself and her life. Maybe it's easier for her to continue pretending she doesn't have a choice, that she's trapped? Seeing you manage it reminds her she's not. She's not ready to make that step yet, so not seeing you is easier for her?

It could also be that abuser is making her step back, because he doesn't want her 'getting ideas'. Before he could use you as proof his abuse was 'normal'.

I've experienced something similar albeit in a different context. To be honest you can't maintain the relationship on your own. Like others have said all you can do is be there for her, although she may never let you know.

Maybe she is depressed

OP, she is jealous of what you have achieved.

Not in a bad way, but because she wants it but hasn't quite got the strength at the moment to make the changes.

You sound like a good friend.

Give her space with the odd text keeping her up to date on general stuff.

Let her know you are keeping busy and all is well with you.

Every so often you can casually say "let me know if you have time to meet up, I appreciate that you are busy."

This gives her the space one day to say "would love to meet up Sheffield".

Until she does this there is nothing you can do.

Focus on continuing with making your life the best it can be.

A living example of what she can have when the time is right for her.

Good luck.

Also second what @billy1966 has said.

She may also feel weak that she hasn't been able to do what you have done. Or afraid you will judge her for not doing as you have.

You can't force her to stay in touch. Let her know you are always there for her. Beyond that, you have to step back and let her make her own choices.

It's sad she is still stuck in her situation. I hope she takes inspiration from you and finds the strength to leave.

You said you have just removed yourself from one abusive relationship my suggestion is that you don't replace it with another.
Ghosting is extremely selfish and can have you being a victim of controlling behaviour.
She has a choice how to behave towards you but you have a responsibility to yourself and your mental wellbeing first.

It sounds like the ‘we’re in the same boat’ relationship dynamic was more significant for her and you represent a change she isn’t ready to make

There’s absolutely nothing you can do, you haven’t driven her to ghost you, it’s a path she’s chosen. Tell her that you love her and miss her and then take a massive step back.