Yet another Sunday morning caring for my twins (4mths) while my husband sleeps off a hangover and this isn’t the first time. Last night around 7pm he left for his best friends 30th birthday party- yes, I know, that’s quite a special birthday (I was invited too!) and he has a right to go! However, before he left I requested that he “rein it in” and specifically asked him to drink more water and try to be home at a reasonable hour. Well, he wasn’t home until 5am, he was paraplegic, stinking of alcohol and cigarettes. He came in to the lounge room (where I sleep with the babies) and instantly apologised. Better to ask forgiveness than permission, right? He could tell I was upset and asked me if I was angry. I told him I wasn’t surprised and told him to go to bed. He tried to offer to feed the babies but I refused as I’m often worried he will drop them while drunk.
I am at my wits end with this. He has had a drinking problem that has been getting worse over the last few years. The weekend before we found out we were pregnant (unplanned) was probably the real “low point” and he promised to get help and sort himself out. He hasn’t. Throughout my pregnancy he still drank and went out. Even when I lived in the hospital with the babies in the NICU for 6 weeks, he drank heavily. He has been on several nights out since the babies were brought home and has consistently ignored my requests to be more reliable and able to function the next day. I know he works hard in a job he dislikes, so I feel he does deserve some down time, but he still has responsibilities.
I’ve only left the house twice this week - once for a doctors appointment and once for the dentist as I have an infected wisdom tooth - I find it very difficult to get out of the house with the babies because we live in a third floor apartment with loads of stairs and my pram is HUGE. I often request we go for brunch or a walk in the park on the weekend but he complains he is too tired (read hungover) to do anything. We have gotten into this sad routine where my “night off” is on a Friday and mostly consists of me going to bed around midnight, after I’ve got the babies to sleep, and him doing the night feed. I get to sleep for more than 3 hours in a row and that’s my luxury. He doesn’t get up to the babies at all during the week as he cannot function without his sleep... massive eye roll I haven’t seen any of my friends for more than two weeks and even then I took the babies with me so he could rest. Sometimes I don’t think he understands just how lonely it can be for me. The one time he offered to let me have the night off and I did relax and have a few (too many) glasses of wine, he promised to do the morning feed...but in the end it was me doing it at 4.30am with a killer headache.
How do I deal with this? I just don’t know how to make him snap out of it! I’ve told his mum about his drinking and even though she is concerned, he is her golden child and she mostly ignores the issue. None of my family live in this country and I’m the first of my friends to have kids so there isn’t much support for me. I feel like I need him to understand that HE is my lifeline and HE needs to support me more.