I called dp a part time parent last night.

[Baddabingbaddaboom]

I'm not quite sure whether I'm out of order or if it's a case of 'the truth hurts'..

Dd is almost 5, he's never been to any of her appointments, no doctors, dentist etc, he's come with me to pick her up from nursery (and waited in the car) about 4 times ever, they don't know who he is. I've done all the school stuff (she starts in sep) he barely knows the name of the place. I take her EVERYWHERE, swimming, shopping, play dates, parties, to see family, I take her away for up to a week to see my extended family, who, apart from nan who he's met once, he's never met.

I do the shopping, budgeting, meal planning, cooking, vets, appointments, most of the cleaning, the mornings, most bed times, bathtimes, etc etc etc.

He works, I'm grateful but he's self employed and can go a while without any work at all and half the time he does half days ish. He helps around the house, well... Starting recently he does any way, but he takes it badly if I mention he's done anything wrong, like he washed dd's clothes on a 60 and it's ruined 2 new tshirts, so I said, thanks for doing the washing (which again is a new thing) but can you just make sure that you wash dd clothes on 30 because her shirts are ruined. I wasn't being arsey but he's taken it that way.

Things got really nasty and he's dragged up things from when I had pnd, I apologised for how I was then but I sought help and I recovered.

He went to bed last night and won't talk to me.

I could go on and on about the bad things because right now that's all I can think of but am I wrong in thinking that it's tough? He is a part time parent and if he wants me to say any different then he needs to pull his finger out?

Sigh

Which bit will screw up your mothers credit?

My car is in negative equity and it's in my mums name.

I've written him a list of all the jobs I do, it's almost 3 sides..
I've left it where he can see it when he gets out of bed. I don't think this will go anything other than badly.

How much does the car cost per month? I’m not sure how leaving your partner has anything to do with the car? Is it because you don’t have any income? Have you looked at how much you’ll get if you split? Child maintenance, housing benefit etc. Go to see somebody who can work out the figure. Then look at going to the job centre as they can help you get back into work. FWIW I had a friend in exactly your position. She got out and now says it’s the best thing she ever did.

The things is it doesn’t sound like he wants to be a family. He’s either in or out. He knows the stuff you do, the fact is he doesn’t care enough to help out. You can’t make somebody care. You’re best bet is to get out and then he will have to do his share of childcare so you’ll get every other weekend to yourself to have a lie in and recharge your batteries and he’ll have to look after her on his own. That’s the wake up call he needs.

Part-time? When is his time exactly?!?

It's £170 plus insurance at £60 per month.

I've been to citizens advice, I can't afford it unfortunately and they won't put it in my name or his name due to me having no income and him having bad credit

He's just come downstairs, made a drink, made sure I've seen the list and gone to sit outside with it. I don't think he has much to write at this point because he's just thrown it on the table closed.

Your dd will be well aware of the relationship between you. You said she’s anxious. The longer this goes on the more ingrained the anxiety will become and it will be harder to deal with it. For her sake make the decision to separate and sooner rather than later.

Like I said previously, I am planning to get a job and leave in September. I really was just checking I wasn't being out of order by calling him a part time parent as I always have doubts and then he makes me feel like everything is my fault.

Some ppl can dish it out, but can't take it themselves.

What stops him from learning to drive?

If you're planning to leave, why are you bothering with writing lists of what you do for him? It won't do any good, you'll just tire yourself out trying to make him see. Get your shit together and go.

I’m glad you’re planning to leave. You weren’t out of order at all. It sounds as though you have been a single parent for the past four years anyway.

Have you worked out how much you’ll get in benefits if you leave him? There must be a way to sort the car issue out. Having a car loan shouldn’t stop you leaving a bad relationship! How long until it’s paid off?