Can you stay in a relationship knowing it’s not going anywhere?

[Heartbreakhotell]

Sorry for being so long. So oh and I have been together for a year, we took it really slow at first but a couple of months ago we decided that things were going well and we wanted to make things more serious and that he was to move closer to me so we could see each other more often and meet my kids in a few months and go from there. So he’s not been himself for the past few weeks and so today I talked to him about it and he dropped the bombshell on me that he wants to move back home (different country) he has a son who lives there and he hardly gets to see him and it’s getting to hard for him to be away from him for good so he’s planning to finish his qualifications here (2-3 years) then move back home. He said he wants things fo carry on how they are (weekends and when the kids are at their dads and holidays and stuff) but it will never be anymore than that because he won’t be staying.

I am heartbroken, I thought he was the one and now I don’t know what to do, do I stay and enjoy the time we have together knowing that it’s never going to end how I want it too or cut things off now and know that he’s only down the road and we could be happy together even if it’s not long term. I’m devastated we were so happy together we’ve been through so much and I don’t know what I would do without him

Personally I'd have to end it. It just wouldn't be the same anymore.

Thats a blow.
But not the end of you, just part of the story.

You would do what you did before him.
You were happy without him, you can be happy without him again.

I'd end it, otherwise it'll always be hanging over you. And it's a couple of years of your life you could spend getting over him and finding someone else.

I'd have to end it too. Sorry OP sounds like a rotten situation for you.

I’ve had similar- in so far as bloke said he’s not with me for anything other than that I made it easy to be in a relationship, and that it was convenient

Yeah, ouch!

I mulled it over (it was our 1yr anniversary too) but then said that we had had a good one while it lasted, but that I wanted to be with someone who wanted to be with me because they love me.

Massive leap of faith and it took a few false starts along the way, but eventually I got everything and more that I could ever have wished for.

You deserve to be happy and loved, rip the plaster off love. The sooner you get the sad bit over and done with, the sooner you’ll find the right man for you.

I know I’m just prolonging the inevitable if I carry on seeing him I’m just not sure how to stop when we’re so happy. I know we can never have things how I want them but I don’t want it with anyone else either

You would do what you did before him.
You were happy without him, you can be happy without him again.

I think part of the problem is that I wasn’t happy before we got together. I was with DC dad for 9 years and he was my first bf we had an awful relationship and I finally got the balls and the money to leave last year and at that time I was very happy to be on my own and I didn’t want a relationship. That all changed when I met oh I’ve never been happier as I’ve been in the last year, he’s helped me build myself back up and find who I am again I didn’t think I wanted a serious relationship or to bring anyone into DCs lives but he changed that.

@MzHz I think the hardest bit is that I know he does love me we’re so great together and if things with his son were different we would be happy together

Then maybe that was his role in your life.
Now you continue to build yourself up.
Have a relationship with you, because you will be living with you til the end!

Get to a healthy stage where someone else isnt in change (albeit accidentally) of your happiness.

Go to GP
See if you can get some therapy

I'd have to end it. His reasons for wanting to leave are legit.

If there's no way moving with him is viable, then I would have to call time on it.

I had a relationship once where it wasn't going to go in the direction I wanted, within the timeframe I wanted. It was hard ending it, which I did and we got back together once, but I had to end it for good... it was too hard emotionally and he was a good person.

Love, that’s not true tho. He’s not putting you first, he’s telling you that he won’t move heaven and earth to be with you.

My situation was the same - this relationship I described was the first since the abusive relationship of 10 years with the father of my son

I look back on the 1yr relationship now and see it for what it is - a training relationship.

You will learn a lot about yourself and others by having relationships with people, learning who you are again, what you accept and feeling what it’s like to be loved and to be in love.

When you left your ex you weren’t ready for Mr Right, you’d have had far too much emotional scar tissue.

Now those wounds have healed, to the extent that you’re posting here knowing that what this guy is telling you now is not ok and it’s not normal. You’re learning to love yourself enough to ask the question “this isn’t right, is it?”

End the relationship because you know it’s the right thing to do, take a little time to heal and then take what you’ve learned and go on to better.

You’ve learned that not all relationships are bad/scary/miserable. You’ve felt love that wasn’t conditional on you doing what you were made to do/be who you were trained to be.

But your bar is still set a little low.

Training relationships aren’t meant to last. You’ll know when you find it.

I thought I had, a couple of years after this first relationship I absolutely fell head over heels with a guy, and he me, but it flash burned and I was absolutely heartbroken

I recovered. I learned even more about myself and what was right for me. It took every ounce of faith in the universe, and I very nearly lost all hope, and then I got a message from someone who felt different. No photo, (usually a complete no no for me) but we carried on exchanging messages over the summer while on respective holidays and then arranged to meet.

Took it steady for a couple of months while we both got used to each other, but then that was it.... 3 years on and we’re living together in an amazing house, loads of stuff to fix, but we’re absolutely devoted to each other

Have faith love. This guy isn’t the one you’re supposed to be with

((((Hug))))