My oh ex partner wants more money

[poppy990]

I’ve been with my partner now for about 18 months. We both have kids who live with us some of the time. He has 2 with his ex. He pays her a reasonable amount of maintenance- more than he has to by law. She is often asking for extras as she seems to find it hard to budget and this puts a lot of stress on my partner as he’s on a low income but his ex makes him feel guilty and holds the trump card

• his kids. How can we resolve this ? Is there any way we can get her to stick to an agreement that is legally binding but doesn’t cost a fortune

“We “don’t do anything. His finances with his ex are between him and her. You sound very judgmental that she can’t budget when actually it’s none of your business what she does with her money. As you are no doubt aware children are expensive and their dad should share that burden even if that means he has to sometimes pay extra. And is there even a law that states maintenance
Seems the issues is he’s a low earner and if he’s paying more for his kids then that has an impact on your available finances.

Go via CMS instead of paying her directly. Will be her own fault for being an arse if she ends up being paid less. I can't bare any parent who use their child as a pawn.

In my experience dc often need extras, new shoes, uniform, school trips etc. I suppose either he pays, his kids do without or their mother has to cover the full cost. How much does he pay monthly? Is it through cms?

It’s really up to him. Most parents who live with their DC pay more than the legal bare minimum for their costs. The cost of raising children isn’t fixed as the same every week or month. Things crop up. Sometimes when you really can’t afford it. Like school shoes losing a sole when you’ve just had to fork out for a new washing machine or boiler. You can’t always just produce the money so the children’s other parent is the obvious next option to ask for help in paying for something the child needs. If he can help he should, if he can’t then he can’t. But he shouldn’t help and then whine about paying for his own kids expenses.

I don't think it's that unusual to agree a sum of child maintenance, but to have further discussions about big expenses such as a school trip abroad or driving lessons.

Is that what she does? Or is it more that she's asking for more because she's consistently short every month? If that's the case, go through official channels and ignore requests for more.

And lay off judging her. You've known him 18 months, it's no time at all.

CMS is the bare minimum the law allows men to get away with. It doesn’t nearly cover the cost of raising kids - if your DP wants to push his kids into poverty you could advise him to do this

My advice would be for him to start looking for a better paid job so he can meet his responsibilities, and for you to look for another partner.

He tells her that it's going to have to go through CMS and he'll carry on paying what he is until it's sorted if she's not happy. She may then change her mind about using the kids as pawns.

Then contacts a solicitor for a formal contact order.

OP, advise him to go through the CMS. Then he can buy extras if he wants to or the DCs need something specific.

Ridiculous to say it isn't your business. You live together and share finances. Of course it's your business.

DP pays the CMS minimum to his ex and all extras are agreed outside that or bought by him. He has his kids two nights a week and every other weekend. He provides well for the kids but doesn't trust his ex with the money. I agree with him.

Ignore it a few times and it will stop.