Hi all,
Please excuse if this comes out in complete gibberish, it's my first post as I really could do with some advice about how to handle a hurdle in my relationship.
For context, me and my OH have been together 10 years and have a 5 year old DC together. He had his own business which has always struggled really and I got fed up of the drip feed of money and never having enough to go round. When our DC was 2, I made the decision to go to work for our own stability. If I didn't, we would have drowned in debt.
At first, he wasn't happy with this arrangement as he always believed the business would 'take off'. He took over childcare while I worked. He didn't seem to get that I couldn't pay bills on a wing and prayer and feed our child. Eventually, he began to see the benefits- he kept his business (which was slowly going belly up) but I brought the stability in so I was happier.
I have since been very lucky to have had a series of promotions, which meant my sole income could pay for everything and we had a good standard of living. My OH seemed to get more and more resentful, especially as the business was nosediving, and eventually said he just wanted to get a job, and would park the self-employment dream/nightmare. This decision coincided with the fact that I had saved enough money for a deposit so we could be homeowners.
We both agreed that since DC had started school, this was a great idea and would mean we could both go on the mortgage. Since then, he has been working, we have our house (new build so don't complete until December) and everything should be better.
Only it's not. We now do not agree how to split finances. As his previous income was so up and down, he only contributed when he could. Food, bills, rent, you name it, I paid. This was always because we couldn't count on his money, but now he has a steady income, I expect it to be an equal share, contributing to our household. This is particularly prevalent as we are scrimping and saving for furniture, added costs of moving etc. and I am doing this alone. He has gone along with this whole mortgage idea, and now I am having to pester him for a contribution.
For context, he earns half of what I earn, however he does a lot of overtime which means sometimes it's basically equal. He said he would pay a third of his income, and it's been hit and miss. However I believe it should be based on our outgoings/income. I am paying for everything still, and he is giving me a contribution. He then spends his money and expects me to pay for cabs/train fare when required. Why must I pay for all the necessities/ boring stuff, so he can basically throw me whatever has chooses to? His attitude is basically that I should be lucky he is giving me anything. I am feeling exploited, and don't know what to do.
He has since decided to give his family members money every month too. I have no issue with this, except that it is a battle to even get him to contribute. For example, last week he was paid £600. He paid £100 out of this to me and got angry when I didn't thank him for it. For me it's the principle, and it's got me thinking to pull the plug on the house as it will be me paying for it all. He said as long as he pays something, it's better than nothing, and that I didn't pay him every month while he was struggling. However we both lived off my single income.
Please someone make this make sense for me. How do I get through to him? We are not speaking as I am very disgusted at the sheer audacity that I have held our family down single handedly and now have to beg and plead for the basics! I wish I got to keep 3/4 of my wages for spending money....