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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not being heard

3 replies

Fluffyd0g · 11/07/2019 23:02

I just need to get this out of my head, Once I do i hope then I can think clearly. I have 2 DC and married for 11 years now. DH has been through a lot, which has built to him now suffering with anxiety. I can see he is in pain, but he wont talk. I ask and try to start converstations about how he is emotionally but he closes it down. His way of coping is to work more, not just his job but help friends out and do hobbies. I am left to look after the kids. I am struggling myself, having had depression in the past couple of years. I tried to say I need help, but all he said is what do you want me to do? Then has sat there watching me clean up, put washing out to dry and put pots away with out even helping. I am going to be at home with the DC over the summer and he does not see that working on weekends is an issue, He gets little time with the kids, and when he is at home he is on his laptop. He adores the DC I know that for certain, but he is not engaged i the family. He seems to find reasons to be anywhere else. How do I get him to hear I need help? Hoe do I get him to make the 3 of us a priority? I am not sure how much longer I can do this.

OP posts:
whywhywhy6 · 12/07/2019 00:45

I think on some level I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying but I don’t have many answers. Could you suggest counselling to him and see if he’s open to a facilitated conversation that could give you a chance to get these things out in the open and so you feel heard? He obviously has a lot going on too and it’s likely he also wants support from you he can’t articulate.

I don’t have the answers but you deserve to have a full partner and be supportive of each other and it seems without good communication that will be so difficult for you both. Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 12/07/2019 08:19

I think you need to have some time away by yourself.
Can you go to family?
Leave him for the weekend with the DC.
Let him do it all on his own.
See if he realises then how stressful it is.
Please consider doing this.
He needs to know and experience what it is like doing it all alone.
He won't know if hasn't had to do it all.

Fluffyd0g · 12/07/2019 22:08

Thank you. I really needed to hear what you guys said. A break from the situation and then supported conversations. Thank you

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