Yes my self esteem is this low

[Toomanycupsoftea]

I’ve followed this board for a while and always seen comments saying things such as ‘is your self esteem really this low’ ‘do you not think your worth more’ and I’ve got to the point where I think it must be that low that I can’t imagine leaving.
My husband had an affair recently and has cheated in the past, a very long time ago. Beyond all reasoning I do believe he has changed however everything I read tells me that he won’t have. He’s seen a counsellor, removed himself from Facebook etc and taken every step he can to convince me that he will not stray again. However I am aware that I may be being conned and should be wary.
How do I know whether this is a wake up call for a man who has seen all he can lose it all or a final pull the wool over my eyes by a continuous cheat? I really feel like I cannot trust my own feelings and don’t know what to believe?

You've only caught him twice but, like a crim, how many times are they NOT caught?

He's done it at least once more after the 1st. He didn't learn and he doesn't give a shit. He'll never, ever change.

Him deleting Facebook or realising how much he might lose means absolutely nothing. And I tell you why... this isn't the first time he's cheated (that you know of)

I bet the last time, he knew what he would lose. He begged you, told you you meant the world, only wanted you, Can't imagine his life without you. Either claims he's a sex addict or got issues.

Things got back to normal and because you forgave him... he cheated again. Now you found out, he can't say the same as last time. So now he's removing Facebook going to counselling.
Things will get comfortable and he'll cheat again.

Why. Because he can and you allow it. Each time.

Harsh I know, but it's the truth.

The question you need to really ask yourself is this... why the fuck do you want this man who thinks so little of you?

I think with these things, you have to reach breaking point before you get out. You know this man has cheated, but you don't feel ready to split because you aren't at that point yet. This is fine. There may come a time where you'll think you are done. The fact that you are indecisive tells me you aren't ready to let him go just yet.

For me, mine was an abusive partner and it dawned on me that this wasn't what I would ever want for my children. It wasn't cut and dry but when I reached breaking point, I was done mentally. I have friends whose partners have cheated multiple times, and they still go back. I just think they haven't reached the end of their tether yet.

Yeah that comment is true. You won't leave until you know!

It is possible for people to change and it sounds like he's doing all the right things. Is there anything you've asked him to do and he's been reluctant?

We don't know him. You've been married to him a long time, by the sounds of it. I personally don't believe monogamy works for most people so barring physical incapability I would assume he's going to cheat again in future.

Surely it’s a two strikes and you are out rule