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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why are men so confusing!

6 replies

lora1231 · 11/07/2019 15:18

I'm getting some super mixed messages at the moment from my partner and I'm looking for a little advice (outside my circle of friends who actually know him and therefore has opinions already kinda thing)

The is a side to him at the moment which is like he's pulling away, he defo don't contact me as much as he used to via call/text and rather than talking to me about certain ideas or plans I'm now finding out about them once they're done. Nothing major, but I just feel a bit out of the loop at the mo. The time we do spend together again feels a little strained, sometimes I feel like he's not listening to me or taking in to consideration my thoughts or feelings to certain things. All of this is a quite new occurrence.

On the other hand though, he still talks about booking holidays for the end of year (not cause I suggest it, he brings it up outta choice) and he's still inviting me along to things with his mates and everything so that side of things hasn't changed.

The defo feels like the has been a shift though. I don't know how to attack it. I don't wanna bring it up and make it into something it's not, I also don't wanna hound him if he's feeling a little confused right now.
I do wanna talk to him about it but he's never been the best with those kinda convos and if he's feeling something weird me forcing him to talk about it prob won't help.

Anyway, basically what is my next move? Stay quiet, give him a bit of space, attack the subject!?

OP posts:
Alwaysbetterinthesun · 11/07/2019 15:23

How long have you been together?

msmith501 · 11/07/2019 15:27

Sorry but the only way to know rather than ask random strangers to guess, is to ask him. If he doesn't like those kind of conversations I'm thinking you're not necessarily going to last that long as there seems to be an expectation / comparability gap. It's not just men of course (as per your title), humans are complex beings ...

TeaForTheWin · 11/07/2019 15:31

Ok so there are several possibilities: the honeymoon phase it over, he is distracted by work/something and just hasn't been paying attention to the shift in things, he is getting worried about how deep things are getting and so is pulling away...or...there's someone else on his mind.

Or combinations of any or all.

My advice would have been to sit him down and straight up ask 'Hey, is everything ok? I feel you've been a bit off with me lately and I was wondering what was going on?'

But... I feel like he's not listening to me or taking in to consideration my thoughts or feelings to certain things. ...is worrying. If he isn't respecting your feelings it is possible he will be dismissive of them when you raise them with him about this current issue.

I guess you can but try. I certainly wouldn't wait it out if you feel something is off.

hellsbellsmelons · 11/07/2019 15:31

If you can't even have a conversation with him about this then what is the point in the relationship?
You need to be able tell him all that you have told us.
Why can't you?

ShatnersWig · 11/07/2019 15:40

None of us know him, how are we supposed to tell? Your thread title Why are men so confusing! implies all men are the same.

Newsflash - we're not.

chickenlittle12345 · 11/07/2019 16:19

I can completely sympathise here as I have some of the same problems. For my DP, sometimes he just is a bit distracted/stressed/down and doesn't want to talk about it. That being said, if you let it become precedent that he can not respect how you feel and thinks that is OK, then you'll be making a rod for your own back.

I would try to get him to open up to see if anything is bothering him, and if that doesn't work then be a bit firmer about needing to have an open conversation.

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