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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was this domestic abuse?

11 replies

crankyassnoperope · 11/07/2019 12:07

My situation is extremely identifying so I'm going to give as little information as possible to ask my question. i would very much like to know if what happened to me could be called domestic abuse. It means a lot to me to be able to name what happened to me, and at the moment I don't know if "domestic abuse" applies - I feel like a fraud considering it, but perhaps it's the right label.

My ex of 6 years, from almost the very moment of our getting together, secretly filmed and photographed every intimate, naked and semi-clothed moment of my private life and shared it online and in person with men to masturbate over. Every anxious moment of pregnancy, every time I changed my clothes or got out of the shower, every 2am wake up to feed the baby (we have 2) in my underwear, all porn. We're talking several hundreds of images. Yes, I went to the police.

The thing is the whole time I was in a perfect relationship. PERFECT. He was kind, generous, supportive, involved, arguably a more adept parent than me, a feminist (that sticks in the throat), I thought I had it all.

Was I abused? I feel like I was, so much has been taken from me, but I didn't suffer in the moment. Does that make me a fraud? If instead of hitting his wife a man secretly poisons her food, is it domestic violence? I feel like it is. It's really tearing me up.

He did so much more actually, it's the stuff of movie scripts or nightmares, you wouldn't believe it. And all along he had me believing we were everything. But this is the bit I'm struggling to name. I'm struggling to call it abuse because all along I thought I was the happiest I'd ever been. Perhaps it wasn't abuse, but what can I call it? What can I say happened to me?

Opinions gratefully received.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/07/2019 12:15

Yes you were abused and what he did here to you was a crime. I sincerely hope he is now in prison for his voyeurism offenses against you as well. Your children as well as you need to not see this man ever again.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. How old were you when you met this man?.

Read about the cycle of abuse, coercive control and gaslighting as well; all this is likely to have happened within the confines of this relationship. He perhaps remains most charming even now and likely loved bombed you from the very early days of this too.

Men like this take time, years even, to recover from and I hope you have now found peace in your life. If you have not already contacted Womens Aid I would suggest you do so as well as enrolling yourself onto their Freedom Programme.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/07/2019 12:16

The fault here for what happened to you is ALL his, none of this was your fault in any way. He targeted you and deliberately so.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.

DarkestBeforeTheDawn4 · 11/07/2019 12:18

Definitely abuse. Just because you don't feel hurt in the moment doesn't mean it's not. Sometimes we can only see clearly once we're out of the situation.

crankyassnoperope · 11/07/2019 12:25

He only got a caution, I was in too much of a state to push really but the police were beyond awful. The guy who came to my house said I "didn't seem very upset", which is unsurprising given all the sedatives I'd been prescribed. The whole thing was a car crash.

I don't mean to blow my own trumpet but I can assure you my previous relationships and my relationship models are extremely healthy. Too healthy it would seem. In the counselling I've been having since it's fairly clear that my ex is that rarest of things - a true psychopath - and that in my company he mirrored my behaviors and emotional role-modelling, allowing him to pass imperceptibly as an extremely well-adjusted, emotionally competent human being when the truth is that he has an inconceivable shallow emotional landscape. The man I met was entirely a mirror of myself, and if I hadn't been as "good" at relationships as I am his game would have been up a long time ago, and perhaps if we hadn't been so busy with children. But whatever, that's something nice to take away from it guess. I was very much in love with a reflection of myself - ha!

I'm so pleased you think I can use the term. it really feels in my heart like I should.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 11/07/2019 12:25

That's revolting, severe domestic abuse.

Did he have secret cameras in the house? Do you still live somewhere and/or drive a car he has had access to? Have you considered involving the police?

PicsInRed · 11/07/2019 12:27

I see your response.
Could you engage an advocate to push for a case review?

moofolk · 11/07/2019 12:28

Definite abuse. How awful for you, I hope naming it gives you some peace and validation.

Thanks
crankyassnoperope · 11/07/2019 12:36

Could you engage an advocate to push for a case review?

I'm looking into it right now. It's been a year since I first found out and it's taken that time to come to terms with the fact that the last true thing I remember was my later twenties, and that everything since has been a mirage - a manipulation of me to enable him access to what he wanted from me - my value as a sexual commodity. But now I'm ready to fight.

OP posts:
crankyassnoperope · 11/07/2019 12:38

I hope naming it gives you some peace and validation

I hope so too. I can't explain it but it feels so important to me.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 11/07/2019 12:40

FlowersFlowersFlowers

hellsbellsmelons · 11/07/2019 13:53

This sounds horrendous OP.
You have been abused in the most vile way.
I hope the counselling is helping you.
I would not be surprised if you have PTSD.
And I'm so sorry the police let you down so badly.
He deserves to be in jail for what he's done.

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