My dear lovely parents out there this is going to be a very long story but if anybody cares to read it I need their most honest opinion and advice on this.
Little bit of a back story, I'm a single mom to a 1 and half year old boy. Me and his dad went through a messy marriage where he neglected us and was verbally abusive and aggressive. We broke up about a year ago (divorce still in progress). His dad only seen him through a contact center etc doesn't really care about him tho.
Recently I started to feel a bit lonely sometimes and took online to just find some friends to talk to as either I'm a mom at home or I got to work, I don't have a social life atm which is fine by me as my son is my whole world but it's only human nature to want to be able to someone have a nice chat with someone.
While chatting to people I met this guy, at first it was just friendly chat but eventually we have clicked very well together and moved onto texting. We spoke about random things and seemed to be falling for each other. For the first time since being with my ex husband I started feeling like I was worth someone's time and attention, this guy can make me smile a lot and is very sweet to me. We haven't met yet in real life as I want to make sure that I'm ready for it, he is very understanding of that. So two weeks pass and he drops the biggest bombshell on me and since then it's been bugging me as I don't know wether we can move pass this and actually have a relationship at any point. This is exactly what he wrote :
'PLEASE don’t hate me! One of my ex’s, we were in a bad relationship. She was quite aggressive and liked to be in control of everything, constantly shouting at me and arguing. She said that she was taking contraceptive pills and had a condition where she can’t get pregnant. I never saw her take them so questioned it and got abuse so as you do you trust the person. We’d have unprotected sex and I’d cum in her every time because she’s on contraception and cant get pregnant. The inevitable happens and she falls pregnant, and instantly wants nothing to do with me, never to see me again, if I visit her she’ll send people to beat me up all sorts of stuff. She wouldn’t listen to anything, allow any input from me on anything and said the baby doesn’t need a father. It’s easy to say tho but I don’t know for sure that it’s mine, but I’m almost certain it is. I have nothing to do with the baby or her. It’s something I feel very very guilty about, and have never known how to deal with it all. I felt in the end that our relationship was so volatile and her hate for me so strong that the baby would have a better life without me and if he wants may have a relationship in the future when he’s older and his mum can’t influence him. She said she’d make up stuff about me just so he hates me and never wants anything to do with me. I’m embarrassed to say I’ve done this, I never wanted to be this kind of guy and I still don’t believe I’m a bad person. She had never worked more than 2 weeks in her life, was on the dole, living at her nans who wanted her out and had nothing to her name. I think this was all so she could have a baby and a house and live on the dole. That doesn’t mean to say she’ll be a bad mum I don’t think she will, but I think those were her reasons for deceiving and lying to me. I never wanted a baby yet, and definitely not with her. She was honestly my worst nightmare, I’ve never been with such a mad person. I can’t even use the right words to describe her she is absolutely poisonous. I’ve not made any real effort to see the baby or gain contact, I’m not going to lie and say I have. I feel it’s best this way and I guess part of it was my selfishness, it must have been really.'
There is some soggy stuff but I haven't included that, we didn't speak much after about it as he didn't seem comfortable or just didn't want to carry on the topic so out of respect I have just left it. I haven't resumed the topic as I feel that even if it's over a text I won't get the full picture as I can't even see his facial expressions etc so I can't really work it out. And here is my dilemma, I generally really adore this guy but this is stopping me from being about to commit even to meeting him. What are your honest opinions would you allow someone like that in your life? Should I be understanding and try to have a relationship with him? Or is it just gonna be another dead end for me where I'm gonna end up being upset. I don't know what to do about it and it's been bugging so much, when I told my work mate about it she just said 'NO' but I'm still drawn to him and it's ripping me apart.
Thank you so much for reading and your replies