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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just don't know anymore

1 reply

Isitactuallyme · 10/07/2019 21:32

DH is a fab dad and husband but lately all we seem to do is argue.
Main problems are
I am messy. I do leave stuff lying around that is true, have always been like that. As a result I often lose things which I imagine is incredibly frustrating. When it all mounts up, like tonight, he just can't cope as he is much tidier. Problem is he is out before me and back after me, I work full time, take both kids to childminders and pick up, do all the washing, shopping, organising of kids activities, uniform, pack lunch etc. So when he complains about mess I go on the defensive which he regularly asks me not to do and rather than acknowledge what I have done wrong I point this out. He has asked me not to do this and yet I still do.
He's not so fan of big crowds, I love being social. Often when we are at events, especially things I've organized, one of the children may play up or be bored or he feels tired or unwell and, although I promised I would leave if this happens, it's never quick enough and we argue.
When we are good its amazing but if we're not he goes really quiet, sometimes for days and so I'll ask him what's wrong. I have also said I will listen more but if I try to explain from my point of view it just explodes. Last night I had a panic attack over all this and now he won't speak to me and has suggested I go to stay at my mum's.
I just don't know anymore.

OP posts:
Rachelover40 · 10/07/2019 22:07

Why do you do all the chores when you work full time? He has it easy by comparison and has no right to criticise.

The fact that he can't take you saying anything to him about how you feel, goes on the defensive and then refuses to speak to you, suggesting you stay at your mums, smacks of bullying. You're his wife for goodness sake and the mother of his children. Do you think he wants to bow out of the marriage and blame you for the breakdown of it?

You can't go on like that, you'll be frizzled to a frazzle, never mind having panic attacks.

A bit of time and space apart from each other would be a good idea but preferably him go to stay with family or someone, not you.

Good luck.

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