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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just Gah!!

19 replies

Needtotakeabreather · 10/07/2019 19:16

I just needed some space to vent. I am starting to feel very lonely and dissatisfied in my 3 year relationship. He is a mostly nice guy, however things are getting progressively worse, not better, and I'm struggling, I shall vent in points.

  1. He drinks a LOT every day. I'm taking 9 500ml 5-7.9% beers every single day, and when I try to talk to him about it he denies he has a problem. He knows I am a recovering alcoholic, and find it hard to be around. When he is drunk he accuses me of texting/sexting other men, eventhough he goes through my phone when he likes - and likes to pull apart my personality and complain about our sexlife etc. I am so over it, I am starting to emotionally withdraw, eventhough the next day is full of apologies etc. The last time this happened he pissed all over the bathroom, and whilst I was cleaning it up, he lobbed a urine soaked toilet roll at my head and found it funny.

  2. we are lucky enough to be in a position that neither of us have to work. However since he makes most of the financial contributions (I moved to a different country to be with him and cannot work) he is almost in total control of everything we do and buy which is frustrating. Especially when he shoves it in my face. On a few occasions when he has been drunk he has demanded 'how about a fucking thank you? I just bought our food shop' or things to that equivalent. He also does not help with any housework unless I ask him too, and I do all of the cooking/laundry etc.

  3. he is so negative all the time. ALL the time, and its dragging me down. He is either quiet and moody, or wishing for an asteroid to come and hit the earth because he 'hates people', he cant possibly understand why I dont like to engage with him at those moments.

  4. sex. If you listened to him, youd think we never had it and that he was the most hard done by bloke on the planet. I sometimes give him 3 blow jobs in one day, and he still complains that he is 'sex deprived' because I'm on my period. Yeah mate, being on my period isn't that much fun for me either. He complains that the sex we do have is too vanilla, and that he wants to get 'dirty' but I dont want to do those things. He also humps me all the time, and fondles me at inappropriate moments I.e. when I'm cooking holding sharp knives etc. I also get pestered non stop and end up giving in, even if I've previously said I'm not feeling it at that moment. He also wont shut the fuck up about anal. Its driving me insane.

When he is sober and not in a hangover induced mood etc, he is lovely and we get on pretty well. But I just dont think I can see this going much further how it is now.

OP posts:
Needtotakeabreather · 10/07/2019 19:17

I am an old poster, have NC for this post as he knows my username.

OP posts:
Needsomebottle · 10/07/2019 22:46

Gosh, I'm not sure I can imagine a list of good stuff that would outweigh all that. Honestly, it sounds awful.

Beyond When he is sober and not in a hangover induced mood etc, he is lovely and we get on pretty well. are there any reasons you want to be with him? "Pretty well" doesn't sound particularly earth shattering.

I'm sorry I don't really have much advice other than I imagine that all this has slowly become the norm, but from the outside looking in it sounds horrific. Imagine if you met him now, four dates in, he acted this way. Would you pursue it?

PickAChew · 10/07/2019 22:50

He's not choosing to be sober. He loves the booze more than he loves you, sadly.

You are allowed to walk away. You are allowed to call it a day and go back home. You don't have to bend over backwards to try to make him "happy". It won't work, anyhow.

Bananalanacake · 10/07/2019 22:58

you should have made him clean the bathroom. is it easy to move back to your country. he is really insensitive. drinking so much when you are a recovering alcoholic. well done for getting sober. you really don't need a man like that.

FetchezLaVache · 10/07/2019 23:03

He sounds like a drain and a pissed, gropey one at that. Can you not move back home?

Itssosunny · 10/07/2019 23:07

Does he watch porn? Looks like it could be his another addiction.
He sounds like a sex pest at home, abusive and with some sort of depression which could be because of alcohol.

HollowTalk · 10/07/2019 23:14

Can you tell us why you stay with this disgusting knobhead?

PixiePieTea · 10/07/2019 23:21

Just ew... and ew ... he sounds like a total creep tbh. Complaining about the sex as being too "vanilla", bloody cheek. Probably one of the porny men who want to up the ante all the time, the more deviant the better (he will have several I bet).

He's a creep, OP, and thats just the sex. As for all the other things, he sounds like a completely unpleasant nutcase as well.

Don't waste another second of your time and energy on him.

Singlenotsingle · 10/07/2019 23:24

Yuk! He sounds disgusting! I'd be seriously tempted to use that knife on him!

Loopytiles · 10/07/2019 23:27

Get out of the relationship asap.

As a recovering alcoholic you KNOW it’s bad and risky being in a relationship with someone with an alcohol problem.

Loopytiles · 10/07/2019 23:27

Plus, he’s a loser.

INeedAFlerken · 10/07/2019 23:31

No way to live, really ... why are you still there?

SilverTheCat · 10/07/2019 23:33

Do you even need to ask? Come on woman!

MarthasGinYard · 10/07/2019 23:34

'The last time this happened he pissed all over the bathroom, and whilst I was cleaning it up, he lobbed a urine soaked toilet roll at my head and found it funny.'

Get your self respect back on track and end it

Ella1980 · 10/07/2019 23:51

What's keeping you with him? He sounds horrific. The only thing I can think of is money?

BastilleKillers15 · 10/07/2019 23:58

No way, he doesn't sound very nice, get out whilst you still can. You deserve better than a man who doesn't respect you whatsoever!

TowelNumber42 · 10/07/2019 23:59

Book your ticket home asap. Break up with him by phone when you get back.

TroubleWithNargles · 11/07/2019 00:08

When he is drunk he accuses me of texting/sexting other men

and likes to pull apart my personality

he is so negative all the time. All the time, and its dragging me down

I also get pestered non stop and end up giving in

Its driving me insane

He is a mostly nice guy He isn't a mostly nice guy at all, is he? He's horrible to you. Financially and emotionally abusive, moody, drunk half the time and a sex pest too. You don't have to put up with this for the rest of your life, you know.

Chocmallows · 11/07/2019 00:10

LTB

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