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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Heartbroken/toxic relationship

7 replies

Annie9112 · 10/07/2019 18:49

Not sure where to start so I’ll try with this...

So was with this guy for just over a year now, he ended it again yesterday. I guess there was red flags from the start e.g him battering me about my past and seeing quite a few more people than him. Since about January he has been up and down about us but being nasty in between,commenting on how my appearance has changed, that I didn’t have a job (due to my anxiety) he made a comment once saying if someone had of told him a year ago he would of been with a single jobless mother he would of laughed in their face. We split a month ago and I stupidly contacted him after four days we got talking again then gave it another go, he said he was bored and there was no excitement and I did try I feel but he never did anything back so should it of been all down to me? I took a job last week and just realised it wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life ( no clue what will become of me) so I quit a week after and he said he was disappointed in me and then stopped talking andfinished it a day later. He said there was lots of factors like the fact I had a child so young, the fact he has money saved up and I have nothing and I’m starting from scratch, the fact we’re in a bubble. He was telling me to go back blonde in the past months which I want to anyway but it seemed to based on how I looked and last time he said he wasn’t sure if me putting weight on and changing my hair has made things change for him. he even made a good and bad list about me and pointed out a lot that there was only five good things and 15 bad. He took this list to a councillor on Monday, which he didn’t tell me he was going to see then just rang yesterday telling me about it, I feel like I haven’t tried hard enough and he said he can’t force it etc. My car blew up at the weekend and I was very overwhelmed with the new job and just started to cry and he just sat there emotionless. He said he was bored and wants excitement which I did try to do once we got back together he felt it wasn’t getting returned. He wasn’t like this at the start it was literally perfect and I don’t know what I’m meant to think or do. Feel I’m in a massive black hole right now. Any advice/comments would be appreciated x

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 10/07/2019 18:53

He is a massive gaslighting twat and you derserve better than this.
Thank God he has gone, he sounds awful, now you can get on with the rest of your life.
Be a bit more choosy next time.

tobedtoMNandfart · 10/07/2019 19:00
  1. he's a massive prick. Raise your standards and wait for someone who can treat you kindly.
  2. you're a single mother can you really afford to bin a job just because it's not your dream?!

Concentrate on improving your life for you and your DC. You don't need validation from any man.

Annie9112 · 10/07/2019 19:07

He was perfect at the start but I guess they all are aren’t they. Hopefully one day I see him for what he really is x

OP posts:
Annie9112 · 10/07/2019 19:09

Well anxiety does funny things to you, it was making me ill being pushed into things I genuinely couldn’t do, it was a trainee dental nurse and I just realised it wasn’t for me. I took the first thing that came along because he was making me feel bad about not having a job and saying that I would only ever have a normal job

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 10/07/2019 21:15

Have nothing to do with him ever again. The relationship is toxic.
There are threads on here that will help you stay NC.

Annie9112 · 10/07/2019 21:28

I just keep blaming myself if I had of done this or hadn’t of done that, stupid I know

OP posts:
Rachelover40 · 10/07/2019 22:17

He's horrible! You're well rid.

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