I think it's over

[eastview]

This this going to be a long one. But I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in May. Partner was there for me when I was in hospital etc. But since that everything has changed. I am really struggling mentally and am feeling extremely self conscious and definitely in need of some extra attention. But I honestly feel like he doesn't care about me anymore. We have had this conversation numerous times and he tells me he does but nothing anyone says makes me feel any differently. I am getting increasingly paranoid and am even having dreams that he hates me and will leave me for someone else. He has a daughter and everytime his ex gets into contact I feel like I'm going to explode. I feel like he isn't giving me the affection I need and I then am getting really angry. We both agree that something has changed and I am concerned that It's my fault. All of this has happened since having my MC. I have never felt like this before and I'm terrified. I know something has changed and I can't do anything to stop it I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt this way or what you did? Thanks

I am so sorry you went through this, have you received any bereavement counselling?

Agree, you need some counselling. If you are feeling low in yourself, of course he has picked up on. He may be afraid to do/say the wrong thing. Get help now.

I have my first session on Tuesday. Although I fear that will be too late

Another vote for counselling. I'm very sorry for your loss, and of course you want to feel that he supports you; but he's probably feeling out of his depth and it's not up to him to 'fix' you.

Very glad to hear you have counselling booked. And it's not too late; a lot of bereavement counsellors won't see you until a few months after the loss anyway.

Is your Partner going with you for the counselling? How is he coping?

I really hope it helps you feel a bit better and start getting your relationship back on track; but it won't happen overnight and it will require some work on your part.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy no he's not coming. The counceling has been arranged through work. They're looking at cognitive behavioural therapy too as I've been diagnosed with PTSD. I feel hopeless at the moment as he doesn't want to talk about it all anymore. Sometimes I wonder if it's also worth it. I had a fantastic life before we met and now I feel it's all gone to sh*t. I have no children so the MC was absolutely devastating for me. I also look after his daughter when she is here (as in 100% of the childcare is down to me) and we have her a minimum of 3 days a week. I get no thanks and feel like I'm now getting no support either. Makes me wonder if I'm in the right environment to heal properly

I'm so sorry you're going through this and that you feel alone. I had counselling and hopefully they will help you begin to heal.
When you feel so down and unappreciated the whole world seems to fall down around you, add to that you are grieving I can't imagine how you feel.
Your partner probably feels exactly the same as you but life does not teach us how to communicate when grieving. I would personally stay in the relationship until you've received therapy and try and get your partner to talk to someone too, try and get him to talk to his gp about counselling.
Hopefully when you are able to talk to someone about your baby and your life you will begin to feel more like you. It's a slow process and can be difficult but it's worth it.
I hope you and your partner are able to overcome this and continue your life together.

Thank you @slaps1983 I know he is struggling too but he's adamant that "he can't help me". I am trying my best. I'm having counceling and I'm trying to get back into a normal working routine whilst also running our home and making sure HIS daughter is well looked after. The waiting list for counceling through the GP is currently 9 months. Luckily through my employer I don't have to wait that long but sadly he doesn't have that option. He won't communicate with me and I'm getting frustrated with it and that also makes me feel like he doesn't want me anymore. I'm only 23, I have a good job, fantastic family and wonderful friends, I'm talented in a lot of ways and I've completely forgotten all about that. He's 31, in a lot of debt and has his own mental health problems. I have added a lot to his life and have definitely improved his child's and I just feel like I have nothing in return and my spirit has been completely extinguished. It's exhausting and at the moment I just feel that maybe I would be better off just going back to my mother and trying to rebuild the life I had before...although I know it's never going to be the same now

@eastview I wish you all the best and hope that counselling is as affective for you as it was for me! If you're feeling this low then the only way is up, do what is best for you and your life only!! The best way to start feeling like you is to start taking care of yourself. My therapist told me to make sure I have 30 minutes every day just for me doing what I want and relax. I think you should start to do this and have the time to begin to try and heal.
Maybe explain to your partner that you need a break and both take some time to be apart and figure out if you want to be together or not. But whilst you are grieving any big decision like this needs a lot of thought as your mind, body and soul are going through an horrific experience