Toxic relationship??

[Annie9112]

Not sure where to start so I’ll try with this...

So was with this guy for just over a year now, he ended it again yesterday. I guess there was red flags from the start e.g him battering me about my past and seeing quite a few more people than him. Since about January he has been up and down about us but being nasty in between,commenting on how my appearance has changed, that I didn’t have a job (due to my anxiety) he made a comment once saying if someone had of told him a year ago he would of been with a single jobless mother he would of laughed in their face. We split a month ago and I stupidly contacted him after four days we got talking again then gave it another go, he said he was bored and there was no excitement and I did try I feel but he never did anything back so should it of been all down to me? I took a job last week and just realised it wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life ( no clue what will become of me) so I quit a week after and he said he was disappointed in me and then stopped talking andfinished it a day later. He said there was lots of factors like the fact I had a child so young, the fact he has money saved up and I have nothing and I’m starting from scratch, the fact we’re in a bubble. He was telling me to go back blonde in the past months which I want to anyway but it seemed to based on how I looked and last time he said he wasn’t sure if me putting weight on and changing my hair has made things change for him. he even made a good and bad list about me and pointed out a lot that there was only five good things and 15 bad. He took this list to a councillor on Monday, which he didn’t tell me he was going to see then just rang yesterday telling me about it, I feel like I haven’t tried hard enough and he said he can’t force it etc. My car blew up at the weekend and I was very overwhelmed with the new job and just started to cry and he just sat there emotionless. He said he was bored and wants excitement which I did try to do once we got back together he felt it wasn’t getting returned. He wasn’t like this at the start it was literally perfect and I don’t know what I’m meant to think or do. Feel I’m in a massive black hole right now. Any advice/comments would be appreciated x

He really doesn’t like you does he?

He said he still cares about me but it’s not there for him anymore. But can’t help but think if I was still blonde and a size 6 this wouldn’t of happened

I think you will slowly feel better when he isn’t in your life any more criticising you and dragging you down. There are nicer people out there.
Your hair colour and size will make no difference. He knew all your situation ( had a child young & little money etc ) at the beginning, if he really still cared none of that would matter

I did say he knew all about my son especially seen as he worked at the school he went to but he said he didn’t know what he was like etc, he’s not particularly naughty just a little mischievous and can act a bit spoilt sometimes but don’t all children? He said t has legitimately put him off having kids of his own. Just feel if I had of done this or that better or tried more it wouldn’t of changed.

Sounds like a bit of a snob if he's laughing at the idea of dating a "single jobless mother" (unless he hates children or isn't attracted to women, in which case this also probably won't work).
It also sounds like he's not really ready for a commited relationship, which wouldn't really be affected by your dress size or hair colour. So definitely not your fault he's feeling like this! I'm sure you're wonderful and trying your best to make it work.
I know it must be hard, but I think you're better off without him. If he can't comfort you when you cry then I think even if he was willing to make it work, the lack of affection would get to you.
I bet there are better role models out there for your child as well, he doesn't sound ready to settle down with a family.

Bear in mind though, I'm awful at relationships so my advice may not be the best. Hope you have a bit of a support network around you to help x

Thank you for your reply. I have good family and good people around me, all telling me the same thing, it’s just hard to see it when you’re in it. I sent him a photo of me with blonde hair a few weeks ago (timehop) and he said that he would be content with that person. He has issues but would never dream of getting rid of him because of them. I guess that’s the difference xx